38 and Growing

Goodbye Girl

2010-08-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

So today is the year anniversary of 38 and Growing. And it is my last full post. It is time to say goodbye to this stage of my journey. I am not abandoning the blogging world (you can't get rid of me that easily, she says maniacally!). But I am no longer 38, though I am always growing, and I am moving on to my own universe. Thank you to all of you who joined with me in this process. It became so much more than I dreamed. I feel like Marsha Mason at the end of one of my favorite corny '70s movies, The Goodbye Girl, when she realizes that she isn't alone and more importantly, will never be alone. I am not alone. I know that now. And this blog has been a part of me learning that.

I hope that you won't be saying goodbye either. I hope you will join me at my new website, A Star In My Own Universe. My beautiful friend, Lee, built it for me -- I went all Wordpress on y'all! Tomorrow is the official launch and I hope to see you there!

Until then, you know I couldn't leave you without one of my equally corny favorite songs.

All your life you've waited for love to
come and stay
And now that I have found you, you must
not slip away
I know it's hard believin' the words you've
heard before
But darlin' you must trust them just once
more... 'cause baby
Goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean
we'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there, I won't
be long away
'Cause the things you do my Goodbye Girl
Will bring me back to you.

I know you've been taken, afraid to hurt
again
You fight the love you feel for me instead
of givin' in
But I can wait forever, for helpin' you to see
That I was meant for you and you for me
...so remember

Goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean
we'll never be together again
Though we may be so far apart you still
will have my heart
So forget your past my Goodbye Girl
'Cause now you're home at last.

And thanks to so many of you, I truly do feel home at last...

Also, a final update on Heifer International, thanks to an additional donations by my wonderful mother, I was able to donate $440 to Heifer International. Thanks to everyone who posted and to Erin from The Mother Load for making it such a success!!!

I Am Taking the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse

2010-08-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

The wonderful Trinmom over at When Did I Become My Mom turned me on to this program. I am really excited to participate. This week I am promising to remove gossip from my vocabulary. Here's what I ave committed to:

TOXIN: GOSSIP

We all know that nothing good ever comes from gossip, right? Yet for some reason we might find ourselves participating in it. And in our society it can be really hard to refrain from it, even when we have the best intentions. For the next 7 days, your mission is to refrain from ALL gossip. To cleanse your system of this green goopy toxin by stopping all forms of gossip including:

Being the Gossip. Talking or writing about a person who is not part of the conversation in such a way that either:
a. they would feel bad hearing what you said or
b. you wouldn't want them to hear what you said.

Colluding in Gossip. Adding commentary and thoughts to a conversation or communication that create gossip. Gossip takes at least two - decline the invitation to join in!

Witnessing Gossip. Standing by and listening to other people gossip still lets the toxin seep in. Take a stand for good talk or leave the conversation.

Watching Gossip. Tuning into any form of media that promotes or shows gossip. Just because you don't know the people doesn't mean you're not gossiping! If you find yourself watching or listening to gossip (yes even celebrity gossip!) change the channel. Rather than picking up the tabloid in the grocery line, grab Yoga Journal or read Aspire on your Iphone!

YOUR DAILY PRACTICE:

"Be impeccable with your word."

Start your day: by saying this affirmation for at least one minute: "Today I speak only from my heart. I leave gossip and toxic words behind. I truly speak only from my heart."

Live your entire day aware of your words, and choose Good Talk over Gossip.

End your day reflecting about your new AHA's and awareness.

* daily practice inspired by don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements

So there it is. No gossip. I don't consider myself a gossip yet I know that I sometimes fall into its enticing trap. But this week I commit to dodging that mine and keeping my words kind. Or as my mother taught me, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" So that's what I am going to do!

*************************************************************************************

Also, please check me out at my other gig: http://www.doctorsmiths.com/content/problem-solved-oh-yes-0. Warning: I have a potty mouth (pun intended!)

Wordless Wednesday -- First Grade is on!

2010-08-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday, so it's time time again for Wordless Wednesday.

Check it out over at 5 Minutes for Mom.

Also, remember when I told you that I was writing for the great people over at Dr. Smith's.

Well so is Heloise. Yes, the Heloise. I met her.

She's totally nice and exactly like she is on the Today Show.

Well, her first blog post is here today and be sure and go back tomorrow because I have a potty-mouthed post. That's right. I'm talking poopie and tinkle!

Shh... I Have Got a Secret

2010-08-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

So the fabulous folks over at CSN have given me yet another wonderful opportunity. You all know CSN, right? They sell everything, and I mean everything. They have gorgeous lighting, luggage, and wonderful furniture including absolutely terrific dining room tables. These are pretty enough that I might start cooking just so that I have something worthy of such a table!

Well, they offered me a chance to review an item of my choice and I couldn't resist something for my favorite two product testers -- my kiddos, of course. So don't tell but something very big and very fun is on its way. I just can't wait to share it with them and you! If feels a little like Christmas around here.

In the mean, if you'd like to guess what it is, check out CSN. Here's a hint, it's from Little Tikes and it is a perfect fit for my two little artists. So stay tuned. I promise pictures of product and testers!

Sundays in My City -- Galveston Edition

2010-08-22T07:32:00.000-07:00

This a glimpse at the wonderful Sunday we spent on our beach vacation. I love the beach. And thankfully so do my husband and kids. One day I will live there, but until then.. we will always have the weekend.

I showed you mine. Check out my friend, Unknown Mami, to check out other great Sundays in other great cities.

I'm Hopping and Following

2010-08-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

I am participating with A Bloggy Mom and Bloggy Moms Network in Friday Follow (Check out Tiffany and the other cool Moms here.)

and Fun Friday Follow with Simply Stacie and My Wee View.

Happy Friday all!

Born to Be

2010-08-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

Are you born to do something? Are you great at numbers? Can you paint? Do you make the best brownies? In other words, have you found your calling?

For a very long time, I knew my calling was acting. I knew it from a very young age. I have memories (verified by mother) of dressing in my ballet leotard, having my mother tie a red ribbon around me neck (a fascination developed by watching Wild, Wild West on Sunday evenings), and performing in our driveway. I believed that I would be kidnapped/discovered. Maybe not the healthiest desire or practical -- we lived at the end of a horseshoe shaped street in a so suburban-it-was=almost-rural area. Needless to say that I was neither discovered (Boo!) or kidnapped (Yay!).

The point is that I knew what I should and would be doing for all my days. I was confident without wavering of my life's desire.

FLASH FORWARD 25 years, I am living in New York. Pursuing my dream. Loving it! I was never quite a SATC girl (I was married, after all) but I loved living in the city. I loved the trains. I loved living the life of an actress, even a struggling one.

And on one of the most beautiful mornings in September, I was in Manhattan to be a small part in an even smaller film (No. I don't remember the name.) And two planes flew into two buildings. And everything changed. For the country. And for me.

My husband and I were separated that day with little communication. For those of you who do not know, we lost cell phone capability when the towers fell. The trains were shut down. The tunnels and bridges were closed, Quite simply, I could not get home. And he could not come get me. He was enraged at his helplessness and he was forever changed.

Soon thereafter, he started dropping the words National Guard into conversation. We had both been impressed by how the Air National Guard had secured the airports and how the city was protected from the chaos expected by so many. Finally, he told me that he wanted to join.

Join? We were artists. We were the wacky, crazy, liberal gypsies. We were not a military family. Or so I thought.

It seems that this became his calling. And almost nine years later, he is still serving. I am very proud of him. But there was a cost. We walked away from our life in the city. We moved back to Texas and started over.

In September 2001, I was in a show. That was the last time I performed as an actress. I got to Texas and I focused on supporting our new life (Not surprisingly, the military does not pay exceedingly well) and then I focused on our family. I did not focus on acting. I would like to make this part of the story sound like Annette Bening walking away from Catwoman -- but the truth is I walked away from the acting world and it did not notice. At all. Nonetheless, I walked away for some time.

And after the years past, I began to wonder if I was still capable of acting. I feared that I no longer had a calling. I came to believe that in supporting my husband's calling, I had lost mine.

But this past weekend, I was proven wrong. As I mentioned previously, I was able to be a part of a series of staged readings. So wonderful! In several plays by young playwrights. And I discovered that a calling is forever. It may gather dust but it does not leave you.

I still have a calling. I don't quite know how it will next appear in my life but I now have faith that it will arise again. And that I will be ready when it does. It is a calling, after all.

So what's your calling?

Rich Man, Poor Man

2010-08-16T19:14:00.001-07:00

I planned this post to be about my fabulous weekend that included my return to the stage, but that post will have to wait. Today, I had a moment that shook me to my core. It was a simple moment but a heart-breaking one.

It is easy for me to feel poor. I have a LOT of debt. I live in a small apartment. We depend on ancient vehicles that are held together with scotch tape and prayer. (A tremendous amount of prayer.) Our savings account is often rivaled by our children's piggy banks. There are many things that I do not have. Many things that I will never have. If I allow myself, I can feel poor.

But today, I sat at red light. A red light with a handsome man. A man about my age. A man without a home. I don't think that he has walked the streets long. While his clothes and hair were dirty and shaggy, they reflected a reasonable proximity to a more successful past.

I was a lane over and a few cars back as I debated whether to dig out change and offer it to him. And then the light changed. And cars started to move. So I started to move. And I drove off.

I could have gone back. I didn't. Instead. I cried for a few moments and then went on with my day. A day that was centered around Back-to-School shopping. Shopping. Because the reality is this. Yes, I need coupons to make ends meet. And yes, I buy many things second-hand. But I have never known more than a moment's hunger. The only nights I have spent outside the comfort of a bed involved a tent and a campfire. In other words. I am SO not poor.

The point of this post is not about my financial score card. Or that man's either. I have no idea how he got there. My mom always says, "there but by the grace of God goes I". So by the grace of God, I drove by and he stood. And what good did my tears do? They did him no good. I did him no good. Some Samaritan I am.

My husband and I often debate what to do when we see a panhandler. I sometimes give. He does not. The same dynamic is repeated in my parents. My mom does. My dad does not. I honestly don't know what is the right choice. I just know that I can still see him in my mind and as I prepare for bed, I fear I made the wrong choice by making no choice. I wonder where he will lie his head tonight. For even as I lay my head on my pillow, my head and heart are heavy. Very, very heavy,

Out to Play

2010-08-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

This is my performance weekend -- yay! yay! yay! I performed for the first time in almost nine years last night. It felt a little like flying over the rainbow. I'll be back with details on Monday and be visiting the neighborhood soon but in the mean, join me "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

This is the Life

2010-08-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

My son is learning to play Monopoly. He is passionate about it. When he is succeeding (which in his world is buying properties, he has little interest in collecting rent -- like his mother, he is better at spending than he is buying), he leans back, laces his fingers together behind his head, and states, "this is the life".

I have at times, questioned my path, but it is moments like this that bring my life in clear perspective. Today, I watched my son walk a balance beam. I watched my daughter inhale a milkshake in the lap of her great grandmother, smiling with each sip and slurp. Together they splashed me like the Titanic going down as they demonstrated their ever-growing swim skills in our small backyard pool. And as I write this, he is setting up the Monopoly board yet again.

So as the summer days wane and I look to the scheduling serenity of the school year, I am taking this moment to embrace the last of the summer chaos and remember that yes this is the life!

Sundays in My City

2010-08-08T19:47:00.000-07:00

This was the view of Downtown Houston from the window of my rehearsal. Pretty cool, huh?

I showed you mine. Go see some more at the awesome Unknown Mami and her wonderful

Sundays in My City.

Time to Play

2010-08-07T00:07:00.000-07:00

This past week, I actually had time to play. I felt sand between my toes, hunted for shells, and thrilled at my children's delight as the waves crashed around them. In other words, I had a vacation. Something I can't remember having in a LONG time.

Truthfully, I needed it. To clear my head and reconnect with my family. It has been a crazy summer but not without benefit. I already posted about my new writing gig over at Dr. Smith's. Also on the professional front, I will be acting. It is a small Staged Reading Series but nonetheless, I will be on a stage. After almost nine years! Yay! (Thanks to all of you who have been following my attempts to revive my ancient career with a resume that can be read in hieroglyphics!)

On a lighter note, I finished two books! It took me seven months buts I did. I wrote about them here. And I got to see a film with my kids. All in all, an incredible week.

I have done a lot of thinking -- it's amazing what the sea does for me -- and I have more to share but I just want to say I'm back to life feeling far more refreshed than I have in some time!

Happy weekend, all! I hope you find time to play!
:-)

Turning the Page, Part 2

2010-08-06T06:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's taken me exactly one month to turn the second page. And no, my new site is not finished. (My fault solely -- it's taken me some time to get my vision together but we are on our way!) I was also waiting on some announcements which I can now make. So let's start there.

In my previous Turning the Page post, I alluded to an exciting opportunity. Well, now I can tell you that if you aren't sick of me yet, you can find me over at Doctorsmiths.com. I am writing as a Premium Parent for them and my first post goes up today. I am amongst some amazing bloggy ladies so I hope that you will check us out.

I am also now an affiliate for eShakti. You may have noticed my pretty banner on the left. I was lucky enough to review a dress of theirs a few months ago and I loved it so much that I agreed to be affiliated with them. They make beautiful dresses that can be customized and I have personally worn my dress several times and I am complimented EVERY time. So check them out, as well.

And for the record, in the case of both eShakti and Dr. Smith's, I am only working with them because I use and believe in their products. I am truly excited by both opportunities!

Now there are many a thank you outstanding. First off, (and she has no idea that I am doing this) -- I owe an ENORMOUS thank you to Unknown Mami. She is not unknown to me so I can attest to her brilliance and beauty in person. Think that she is lovely and funny on-line, triple that plus one and you've got her. She has been a constant source of support and friendship to me as a blogger and I would not know many of you had she not introduced me. I love her on-line and in real life. No way I could turn this page without her.

Next to the way overdue awards. I am terrible with awards. Not because I don't care but because I do. I am so honored that you shared a little love that I toss and turn on forwarding them properly. So I start a post that day and then I stop as I ponder what fabulous blog to award. I love so many of you guys so I keep this detailed list of who I have already awarded and when I did and then I look through those I haven't and I agonize. So I put it off. And then time starts to pass. and the guilt starts. And then more time passes and then I am embarrassed and UGH!!! So to those of you who have been gracious enough to pass them on, please forgive my lack of graciousness. As this moment inside my head has demonstrated, I mean well. But I am biting the bullet and acknowledging all of you. This may take a while.

Doreen over at They Say Everyone Has a Story, This is Mine gave me the Versatile Blogger award. Now I must share 7 things about myself that you may not know. I'm not sure if I have left anything to mystery, but we'll see.

1) My eyes change colors -- the center of my eye is dark blue and they are surrounded by an amber color which causes them to look green at times, light brown at times, and dark blue at times (especially when I cry)
2) I love old TV shows -- Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, Maude, etc.
3) I have three fake teeth -- when I was 16, I had a terrible car accident in which I smacked my face into a steering wheel. I smashed all the bone under my nose and knocked out the top front three teeth. Since then I have worn a bridge.
4) My daughter is named after a David Sylvian song.
5) I watch way too much TV though I am seriously considering cancelling cable to break free of the bondage of my addiction
6) I love carbs -- not the complex kind, but the very, very simple kind -- like brand, new soft white bread. I can't stand healthy bread. I don't want to work that hard. Sorry, healthy friends!
7) I have read "The Secret Garden" at least twenty times, including several times as an adult

Now I must bestow this honor onto 15 newly discovered blogs and they must share 7 things about them selves and pass it on. These are a mix of very different blogs -- some Mommies, some artists, and some giveaways. All are great.

1) Tracie from From Tracie
2) Mum in Flip Flops from MuminFlipFlops
3) Lemony Renee from Of Lemons and Honey
4) Templeton's Fury from Circling the Cuckoo's Nest
5) Leiah from A Southern Belle Trying Not to Rust
6) Ericka from Alabaster Cow
7) mathet zin from Myanmar (Burma) -- a beautiful love letter to a country
8) Michele Chastain from Fake It Til You Make It
9) Jane from Adoption of Jane
10) E.L.M.Dyck from Let Me Think -- she also gave me an award as you will see below
11) Dana Chabino from Daily Paintings -- Abstract - Impressionist Painter -- gorgeous artwork shared (almost) daily
12) Connie from The Young and the Relentless
13) Bridget from Readaholic
14) Kelly from Kelly's Lucky You
15) Jeanette Huston from Mommy Blessings in Small Bundles -- Giveaways and Reviews

A fabulous man around town and a globe trotter, as well, Subu.PS over at Passion for Road Trips and E.L.M.Dyck from Let Me Thinkgave me the Beautiful Blogger Award.

Share 7 things you find to be beautiful around you.

1) My husband -- enough said
2) My son's crooked smile
3) My daughter's chocolate eyes
4) The sun coming up through my window
5) My growing grapevine
6) Steam coming off of a cup of coffee brought to me by my husband
7) The sound of my children's laughter

Nominate 7 bloggers or more.

1) Doreen from They Say Everyone Has a Story, This is Mine -- I would have listed her above but she was kind enough to pass that award to me, so here is my opportunity to spotlight her
2) Living Our Dash
3) Alicia from A Beautiful Mess
4) Anastasia from Sweet Butter Bliss
5) Aging Mommy from Aging Mommy -- she is a gift giver, as well; see below
6) Holly from 504 Main
7) Francesca and Kacey from Mayhem and Moxie

And in my embarassment of riches, The Improbable Housewife and Aging Mommy gave me the Honest Scrap Award.

As I was supposed to tell ten things about me, I will simply add three to the seven above. Because really, I'm not sure you can stand to know much more!

8) I think that if the choice was between Heaven and Mint Chocolate Ice Cream, it would be a very hard decision
9) Though I don't share them here, I have very strong political views which are very often in opposition to most people I am related. I am something of a black sheep.
10) I am a serial hobbyist -- by this I mean, I pick up hobbies, get completely obsessed with them and then allow them to gather dust amongst other lost pastimes. This happened a little with blogging. I was visiting 50-60 blogs a day until my family cried "Uncle". I then ran out of steam and blogging lost a little luster. I think I have found a happy balance now, however. I still love visiting and blogging but I have to remember sunshine, sleep, and oh yeah -- my kids!!! :-)

And I will round out the group to ten more beloved blogs:
8) Confessions of a Fitness Instructor
9) Serena and Brandon's Playhouse
10) Shelley's swag

Finally, my good friend, Andrea over at Good Girl Gone Redneck gave me this award.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Well, after this time away, I definitely see myself living at the ocean. I just feel more alive there. And seeing my children and how comfortable they are in the water has inspired me. In fact, I have really spent the last week visualizing how I can get myself and my family living seaside all the time. (I'll be writing more on that soon.) So I see myself there. I also see myself writing professionally and hopefully performing on-stage at least once a year. Also, frighteningly, in ten years I will be the parent to two teenagers -- one of them driving. ARGH! So I see myself even more sleep deprived. But all in all, I see myself living my vision board! Here's hoping!

There are probably a million other thank yous owed. I have made the greatest friends through this blog. Mostly, I want to say thanks for sticking around this year and especially this summer. It has been a crazy one. I'm looking forward to school starting and life resuming some routine. Then I should be able to get back to my passion -- reading and writing. Blogs, that is.

Sitting a Spell

2010-07-29T05:03:00.000-07:00

So the family and I are headed for some much needed family time. We are staying at a beach house and I am not sure of the internet connectivity. Internet or no, however, I think that my family needs some connectivity with me without a laptop. So for the next few days, I am going to sit a spell. I'll come a-calling on y'all next week. (That was for my Southern folk!)

Have a wonderful weekend. See you soon.
:-)

Day 332 or Retracing My Steps

2010-07-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about steps. Taking Steps. Baby Steps. Every journey begins with a single step. Etc. When you start on a path in life, there is a time when the paths run parallel. You can look over at the path and have the comfort that it is still waiting for you. That you have a choice. A couple of steps and you are back on that path.

But slowly and ever so subtly, the paths start to diverge a little more. There has been no dramatic right turns. You didn't miss the left at Albuquerque. You can even still see it. You know it would be a little harder to get there, a few extra steps, but you still hold the comfort that with a little effort, you could still resume that path.

And then one day, you lose sight of the other path. At first, you're not disturbed. You know that you just saw it. Yesterday. Or maybe the day before. Definitely, no more than two days ago. But the day comes when you can't remember when you last saw it. Is it still there?

For me, that is the time that I start to question my path. Did I take the right turns? Did I make the right steps? I often suffer from the grass is greener syndrome and likely I would have these questions whichever path I might have chosen.

So what do you do when you find yourself here -- solidly on one path having lost sight of the other? Do you run around the woods looking for the lost path? Do you commit more fully to your current path? Or do you stand frozen wondering which path is the "right" path?

Day 329 or It's Friday, I'm Fragmented and a Little Bit Green

2010-07-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

The last week have been really listening to the things my kids have had to say -- some silly, some profound, and some just darn funny. So in honor of Friday Fragments, I thought that I would share some wisdom from the mouths of babes.

My daughter still speaks a great deal about her grandfather that passed last winter. She also speaks a lot about angels. This week she told me about how she was an angel before she was born. She told me that she was waiting to come to Earth. Now she hasn't been exposed to the Well of Souls so I have no idea where this came from but it was super sincere. She then started an even deeper discussion about how people can be "in her heart". I attempted to explain that when someone dies, they never leave us, that they will always be in our hearts. Well, she then wanted to know how they could get there because her heart was inside. She was concerned that there might not be enough room. It is so sweet how literal she is and reminds of the beauty of child-vision.

On the other side of this coin, my son on a completely different day, started a conversation about ghosts. But should you ever need to put into relief the difference between how a six-year old boy thinks from a three year-old girl thinks, here it is. We were in the car and as a good six-year old boy is known to do, he passed gas. I called him on it and he told me that a ghost did it. I answered that ghosts don't have gas. He then replied that they did not have "hineys". He furthered that ghosts also did not go to the bathroom because they did not have penises. So there you go. Important information to know, right?

My daughter has also begun telling me that she is too busy for me as she has work. (Personally, her "work" looks more like mess-making than I might prefer, but what are you going to do?) This one hurt a little because I actually went back to work this summer. And, when I make a mistake, she says, "You didn't know, Mommy. You didn't know". So you heard it first here, folks, I didn't know.

On a completely different note, I am still having issues with my iPhone after it is was "improved". Since the ill-fated update, the phone says that vibrate is set for sound or silent but it has not worked since the change. Any suggestions?I need my vibration, you know. I know that some of you are tech savvy, if you have ideas, please share.

This week, I was inspired by my new IRL friend, Erin, I re-visited my commitment to being green, I wrote more about it in my other blog Cold Comfort Living. I have failed a lot lately but I am ready to do better. I am proud, however, of what we are doing for Heifer International. The latest tally of $220 buys a goat, two flocks of chicks, and a tree! Yay! That's got be good and green!

Finally, here is my profund thought of the day. I am watching Veggie Tales with my daughter. The veggies are eating fruit. Is that akin to cannibalism? I don't know but it just doesn't seem quite right. Just sayin. :-)

So there we are. Check out Mrs. 4444 at Half Past Kissing Time and join in the Fragmented Fun!

Day 325 0r We Partied Like It Was 1999

2010-07-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well, if I drank Sangria in 1999 which I did not. I had much cheaper taste buds then. Like Budweiser taste buds. Don't judge.

Anycheapbeer, I met three fabulous bloggers plus got to hang out with my new girlfriend, Lee. (You all know Lee. I have already written extensively about my undying passion for her). And while we might not have rocked the Casbah, the Heavens were. A terrific storm broke out and the lights were knocked out and stayed out. But being Moms as we are, we called for pizza, posted mini Hurricane lanterns around the table like a campground and shared stories as if it were a fire.

First off, I met two of my all-time Bloggy loves, Erin from the Mother Load and Tracie from Stir Fry Awesomeness. I have been following these two since I was a baby blogger and they rock. In combo with Lee, I felt like the new girl at school whom the cheerleaders invited over (and not in the cruel joke gone bad turned revenge-horror film kind of way)! They are both super cool and as funny in person as on their brilliant blogs. Also, Erin went off and doubled her donation to Heifer International from $50 to $100 which I matched. This makes her my hero and takes our total to $220! Yay!

But that is not all. I met a new blogger who happened to share a lot of East Texas history with my family. It was fun talking to her about shared landmarks and Golden Triangle folks. She is Leiah from A Southern Belle Trying Not to Rust (you've got to love that name, don't you?) She is funny and pure Southern woman. In other words, a great lady with whom to share an evening.

So all in all, super fun. Thanks, ladies for a great evening and even better conversation!

Day 323 or Seven Link Challenge

2010-07-17T06:39:00.001-07:00

Inspired by Tesa over at 2 Wired 2 Tired (a fabulous blog -- if you've not checked her out, go here now!), I checked out ProBlogger who was hosting a fabulous 7 Link Challenge. It is an opportunity to look back at your blog as a whole and see what stands out. Think of it as a flashback episode on a sit-com. Of course, the Simpsons would always slyly slam their own flashback shows but I am neither animated nor a part of the most successful animated series ever so I will not slam. I will celebrate. Because you folks know how I love a party!

So here are the prompts --

1. Your first post -- A start on this journey

2. A post you enjoyed writing the most -- A reflection on a sweet moment of mommyhood

3. A post which had a great discussion -- This was an early post that showed me just how lovely fellow bloggers can be

4. A post on someone else’s blog that you wish you’d written -- So many to choose from but I went with one of my favorite bloggers in the world -- Unknown Mami and her unique look at how her mom tended to her health

5. A post with a title that you are proud of -- A look at two ladies in my life at very different places

6. A post that you wish more people had read -- Just because I love, Love, LOVE this charity sooo much

7. Your most visited post ever -- Things I said that I swore I wouldn't

So that's 38 and Growing at a glance. It was fun to look back at where I've been and how much this blog has grown. Thanks to Problogger for the walk down memory lane. (BTW, not sure how I went almost a year blogging without visiting you but I will definitely be back!)

Day 321 or Wordless Wednesday -- Summer Fun

2010-07-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't participated in Wordless Wednesday for a while so I thought that I would hop on board today with a few pictures of my kids enjoying their summer.

Gotta love a splash pool!

It's a smile, I promise. First day at theater camp.

First day at swim lessons.

So that's our fun. Join the others at Five Minutes for Mom.

Also, with my husband being away so much this summer, my kids have been super needy and of course, as much as I love blogging, "Mommy" comes first. So if I haven't been around much lately, it's not that I don't love you. I am working my way around the neighborhood just more slowly than normal.

Day 319 or File This Under "W"

2010-07-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

File this under "W" for "What the Freckle?" !!! Let me just warn you -- this is not a heart-warming look at motherhood kind of post, or a change the world inspirational post. No, this is a rant.

Last night, I was syncing my iPhone with my new computer. And I was tempted by the little button informing me that I was not up-to-date. What? Has this computer seen my closet? I'm never out of season so I certainly can't be out of date. So I pushed that little button which embarked me on a four hour odyssey.

And much like Homer's Odyssey of old, there were a few unexpected bumps and bruises along the way. But unlike Odysseus, I did not finally arrive back to all I had before.

First off, let me warn you fellow non-techies (Computer geeks may tune out for this paragraph). If you are syncing with a new computer, make sure that you have "authorized" that computer before starting the process. I thought that I had but evidently had not. This is VERY important. Because when iTunes told me that I had not properly executed such directive, it was at the point of telling me that all my purchased items could not be transferred to the library. Point of fact for those of you interested, this is TOO late. I have lost all my apps. UGH!!!!!

Now you might say that is a steep sacrifice but you now have the most up-to-date (old) iPhone possible. But what did I get for that? I got a phone that looks wet. I'm not kidding. It looks like water is under the screen. And that's what a mother of two young kids wants to see -- droplets of water on her iPhone. What "genius" over at Apple came up with that?

In fairness, I must say that the new facebook app I could now download was awesome. And I love that I can send photos with texts. But please!!! Not a fair trade for all my apps plus all my settings, thank you!

Okay. I feel a little better now. At least, until I unlock my phone and see all the black screen where apps were. And then the hex on Steve Jobs is SOOOO back on! (Just kidding. I'm not a stalker or anything. Well not a stalker in the real world. Virtual stalking doesn't count, right? LOL!)

Day 318 or If it's Sunday it Must be Houston

2010-07-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

Hi guys! This is a quickie so you don't think I jumped the blogging ship. I owe many of you a visit and I know that I have promised the second half of my wrap up. The truth is, however, I have been in three cities in four days with both kids in tow and I am some kind of crazy. Not Jack Nicholson in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" pretending to be crazy or Winona Ryder as misunderstood "Girl, Interrupted" crazy or even Hannibal Lector super smart evil villain crazy but flat-out padded room, talking to herself, hair on end CRA to the Z!

So in honor of that, I will give you a little Patsy Cline to tide you over until the "cr" in my life spells creative rather than crazy.

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new

Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying

And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.

Thanks to all of you for the birthday wishes, the support for my new projects, LOL love, and all around awesome cheers for little old moi! You guys make me feel like a rock star or maybe a la Ellen, you make me feel like dancing.

You've got a cute way of talking
You got the better of me
Just snap your fingers and I'm walking
Like a dog hanging on your lead
I'm in a spin you know
Shaking on string you know

You make me feel like dancing
I'm gonna dance the night away
You make me feel like dancing
I'm gonna dance the night away
You make feel like dancing
I feel like dancing dancing dance the night away
I feel like dancing dancing ahhh

Quarter to four in the morning
I ain't feeling tired no no no no no
Just hold me tight and leave on the light
'cause I don't want to go home
You put a spell on me
I'm right where you want me to be

You make me feel like dancing
I want to dance the night away
You make me feel like dancing
I'm gonna dance the night away
You make feel like dancing
I feel like dancing dancing dance the night away
I feel like dancing dancing

You take me higher
I'm gonna catch on fire 'cause
You make me feel like dancing
I wanna dance the night away
You make me feel like dancing
I'm gonna dance my life away
I feel like dancing dancing dance the night away
I feel like dancing dancing dance the night away
I feel like dancing dancing dance the night away
I feel like dancing dancing ahhh

You really slipped me a potion
I can't get off of the floor
All this perpetual motion
You gotta give me some more
You gotta give me some more
And if you'll let me stay we'll dance our lives away
You make me feel like dancing I wanna dance my life away
You make me feel like dancing I wanna dance my life away
You make me feel like dancing I wanna dance my life away
I feel you make me feel like dancing

Now see. You got two for the price of one and if you count the songs it wasn't such a short post. All right. All right. It was cheating but more in the vain of Princeton Review than a full on scribbling on the inside of your arm cheat. Right? Well that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Good night. Bon soir. Buenos noches. Ahhh, you get the idea. Sweet dreams to my friends on this side of the Greenwich Meridian and a guten tag, g'day and good morning to those on the other side.

Day 314 or I Almost Forgot That I'm Funny

2010-07-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

Laffy Lady has hooked me up over at LOL and I almost forgot!!!! I have had it on my calendar FOREVER but my mommy brain forgot to look at the calendar. Whatcha gonna do?

Please check me out over there -- she has a fabulous site that is dedicated to the sit-down comedians (that's bloggers, y'all). I submitted a story of my son's crazy rendition of the Pilgrims meeting the Indians. So check me out there.

And no I haven't forgotten -- Part Two is one its way! See you soon.

Day 313 or Turning the Page, Part One

2010-07-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Well, settle in folks because this is going to be a long one.

So it is my birthday -- yay, yay, yay! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the much beloved author of the award-winning blog "38 and Growing" has turned 39. (I know, obnoxious, huh? After years of reading about people I knew written up by publicists, I thought that I would be my own publicist. LOL) Anyreality, it is my day. And I am celebrating. And who knows how to celebrate better than the Beatles?

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too--yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party.

I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too--yeah
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Now I promised you a party. And to start this party, I have a winner to announce. The winner of the $40 CSN gift card is... (Insert drum roll here.)

Debbie from Suburb Sanity. Yay, Debbie. Sometimes it works out great to be the first commenter!

And there is more to celebrate than my birthday. You guys really came through on my Heifer challenge! Here's how the math broke down...

18 Comments = $18.00
(The Amazing) Erin of Mother Load's Donation = $50.00
My Donation Match = $50.00
(My REALLY amazing) Son's Donation = $2.00 -- Yes, he donated two of his own dollars. So proud. SOOOOO Proud!

TOTAL: $120.00 which buys a goat, And here is what Heifer International has to say about the wonders a goat can do.

Goat
Goats Are Great for Families

The gift of a dairy goat represents a lasting, meaningful way for you to help a little boy or girl on the other side of the world.

Goats can thrive in extreme climates and on poor, dry land by eating grass and leaves. The gift of a dairy goat can supply a family with up to several quarts of nutritious milk a day - a ton of milk a year. Extra milk can be sold or used to make cheese, butter or yogurt. Families learn to use goat manure to fertilize gardens.

Goats often have two or three kids a year making it easy for Heifer recipients to pass on the gift of a goat to another family in need. This great investment allows our partners to lift themselves out of poverty by starting small dairies that earn money for food, health care and education.

So pretty darn awesome, right?

And over the past year, I have had so much to celebrate. This may not be the Oscars but here is my moment on the stage to say thanks. Thanks to everyone who has been along for the ride. Whether you stopped by once or once a day, you made the journey all the better. Thanks to everyone who has supported me, showered me with awards, listened to me whine (yes, I said whine, I know I have on occasion), given my tears a shoulder, and my wins a "Whoo-Hoo!".

Thanks to CSN for allowing me to give away some fun stuff and thanks to eShakti for a beautiful dress to play with. Well there are so many thank yous that I will have to have a page two to turn. Many awards to acknowledge (some new, some HORRIBLY overdue!)

Remember those two men that I bragged on for Father's day? Look what they conspired together to get me for this birthday...

So light. So cute.

Only 3 Strawberry Shortcakes tall.

My husband said it was a perfect blogging laptop. How much do I love these guys??? Another huge thank you there!

I have so many blessings, my plate is full. I am going to San Antonio tomorrow for an exciting opportunity brought to me by blogging. It's still a secret now but I can't wait to share it. I am now an eShakti affiliate, as well. So many great things that 38 and Growing has brought me. But best of all is you -- my blogging friends. So much more to say. Much more to come. But here's what you have all been waiting for...

My new in real life friend and long time blogging inspiration Lee over at Headaches, Hormones & Hot Flashes, is going to help me make a proper blog so I am currently under construction, but I wanted to share the name of my new blog -- A Star in My Own Universe. It's a nod to my past career aspirations and the fact that I spin in my own orbit (We have already established that I am a little weird. It's okay, I know this about myself!). So stick with me a little while longer here while I get it all straight over there.

Whew! That was a long one with more to come. But the clock just clicked my birthday away so I'm letting the keys rest. See you on the next page.

Day 311 or Sundays in My City, July 4th Edition

2010-07-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not nearly so grumpy -- we're all in the same city, yay!And it is a holiday to boot. My airman had to work, however, so we went to him. Here he is showing my little patriots around,

Happy Fourth of July to everyone. I am proud to be an American and proud of my husband who serves this country,

Please join my friend, Unknown Mami at her newly upgraded blog for her Meme of all Memes, Sundays in My City.

Finally, please remember that tomorrow night is the last chance to enter my fabulous CSN giveaway and to join my Heifer International Support challenge. Tuesday is the big birthday and I will be full of announcements. I also have lots of thank yous coming, some very overdue.

Day 309 or Hurricane, Thy Name is Isabella

2010-07-02T21:54:00.000-07:00

So you may have noticed that this week I have not fared so well with my promise to post daily. It has been one hurricane of a week. Now that Alex has proven to be a non-event for us Texans (I am sorry for those who have suffered in Central America), I feel I can vent a little about how this little hurricane has wreaked big havoc on my life.

My husband was not home a full two days before he was called to one city for this storm. A city away from his family. Two days later when we had made a plan to join in him in that city, he was sent to yet another city. This is confusing and frustrating for adults. It is hard for my steadfast six year old son. It has been out and out devastating to my daughter.

She does not understand any of it. What she knows is that she is now spending the better part of a third week away from her dad. She understands that the plans keep changing. She understands that her routine is gone, her life is in flux, and basically nothing is normal. In three year old terms, this is more Category Five than One.

And what I understand is that she is as unpredictable as a rogue wave or pop-up tornado. Her emotions are as choppy and uneven as the waves raging in the Gulf (okay maybe I need to chill on the Hurricane metaphors) and I literally can't keep up. One minute she is her lovely self and without warning her war flags are waving (technically nautical, not Hurricane!) or she is dissolved into tears for the slightest infraction by her brother or myself.

Tomorrow afternoon, he should get the all clear and we should reunite together under one roof for at least week. Until then, batten the hatches (again, really nautical) and say a prayer for me because this captain is tired, looking for her "Candle on the Water" so she may pull this ship in for the night.

I'll be your candle on the water
My love for you will always burn
I know you're lost and drifting
But the clouds are lifting
Don't give up you'll have somewhere to turn

I'll be your candle on the water
'Till ev'ry wave is warm and bright
My soul is there beside you
Let this candle guide you
Soon you'll see a golden stream of light

A cold and friendless tide has found you
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down
I'll paint a ray of hope around you
Circling in the air
Lighted by a prayer

I'll be your candle on the water
This flame inside of me will grow
Keep holding on you'll make it
Here's my hand so take it
Look for me reaching out to show
As sure as rivers flow
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go...

P.S. For those of you who know my blog well, I did consider Styx's "Come Sail Away" but good old Helen's anthem from Pete's Dragon won out by a nose. Maybe tomorrow night I will be set for smooth sailing and then I might be ready to sail away to freedom with DeYoung and crew. 'Til then, smooth sailing to you and yours.

Day 307 or It's a Party and You're Invited!

2010-06-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

Well, CSN contacted me and offered me a chance to do a review or a giveaway. In honor of my upcoming birthday, I wanted to celebrate -- so I am doing a giveaway! It's my party but the gift is for you!

If you had $40 to spend at any of the wonderful CSN stores, including www.allmodernfurniture.com, what would you buy? Because that is what the winner will receive -- a fabulous $40 gift card to spend. Be sure and check out the platform beds. Pretty cool, huh?

If it were me, I would get the Certified International Bubble Cobalt Blue All Purpose (Set of 4) -- they are on sale for $41.99 and gorgeous!

And as this is a party, all you have to do is R.S.V.P. Go over to CSN.com and tell me what you will take home as your party favor if you win. That's all you have to do. On the eve of my birthday, Monday night the 5th, I will pick a winner and share the wealth on Tuesday, July 6th!

Day 305 or Time Keeps on Slippin

2010-06-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

Wow. The days keep clipping by with such a force and speed that it is dizzying. I just got my husband home and the latest hurricane-to-be (thank you, TS Alex) has swept him back away from us. So much for the luxury of a schedule and routine and welcome back chaos. As the tropical waters start churning, time keeps slipping.

My children are pretty flexible. They try to go with the flow but they have been thrown too many curve balls. Their little systems are on overload. If I feel flustered and thrown about at my age, what do they feel at six and three? I know it must be tough. I know that they are confused, frustrated and possibly a little scared. I know this. My brain understands this. My nervous system, however, does NOT get it My nerves are frayed. I could crack at any second. I hate that. I don't want to yell at my children because I am tired and upset and they are tired and upset. So I am counting to ten A LOT (you'd think that I was a guest on Sesame Street, I'm counting so much!). I am trying to stay cool and collected. I am trying. I am failing but I am trying.

So rather than boring you with the details of my Mommy meltdown, I'll just share a little Steve Miller with you. Because I do want to fly like an eagle. And via Heifer International, I do want to feed the chidren without enough to eat (Sorry guys, I couldn't resist an opportunity to push my challenge!). I wish you all a calm Monday and a happy week.

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future

I want to fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle
Let my spirit carry me
I want to fly like an eagle
Till I'm free
Oh, Lord, through the revolution

Feed the babies
Who don't have enough to eat
Shoe the children
With no shoes on their feet
House the people
Livin' in the street
Oh, oh, there's a solution

I want to fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle
Let my spirit carry me
I want to fly like an eagle
Till I'm free
Fly through the revolution

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future

I want to fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle
Let my spirit carry me
I want to fly like an eagle
Till I'm free
Fly through the revolution

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future

Day 303 or The Sun is Setting -- FINALLY

2010-06-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

My husband is home! Yay! He is just returned from a place of eternal sunshine -- he has been in the Arctic circle during Summer Solstice. He has not seen a sun set in two weeks. When he arrived, it was around 7:00 p.m. so it was still bright. After kissing me hello, he looked up at the sky and said "The sun will go down, right?" Yes, dear. The sun will go down.

This made me think. The last 14 days have felt like one elongated day for my sweetheart. I often wish I had a few more hours in the day but I do relish my nights (as short and interrupted as they may be!). We need the sun to set on the day to have it rise on the next. Same goes in life. The sun sets on one stage of our life for it to rise on the next. When kids graduate from high school, it's a commencement. A beginning. While it clearly marks an ending, an accomplishment, it is also the start of the next stage of life.

And now as the sun sets on this stage of my life (and on this blog), I look to the sun rising on the next. I am not sure what that stage will offer but I feel more ready to meet it than I have in a long time. So as the sun sets for the first time for my husband, I will share a little wisdom from good, old Elton. Right now, however, I think my husband would take some issue with him -- LOL!

I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

Day 302 or Maybe Not Every Corner

2010-06-25T20:08:00.001-07:00

Okay. I committed to writing every night until the birthday. What Was I Thinking???

I am so tired that the words are trembling on the screen. As bad as my laptop is, I don't think that it is the cause. I am happily ending my time without my husband tomorrow. As much as I appreciate the hospitality that our Northern neighbors have offered my husband, I am ready for him to be home. My kids are really ready. And the more ready they are, the MORE READY I AM! I am ready for a sense of normalcy and a full night's sleep! Okay I haven't gotten one of those in almost seven years so I can't really blame him for that. But you get the idea.

So I'll leave you with a tip of the hat and a good night. Maybe tomorrow night will bring less exhaustion and more brilliance.

:-)

Day 301 or Inspiration Around Every Corner

2010-06-24T21:27:00.000-07:00

Well, most of you know that I have been an actress in another version of my life and I am at a point where I would like to get back to it, at least in a limited way now that my kids are not quite so little. A few months ago, I wrote of an audition and so many of you were so very supportive as always and asked to know of more. Well, this week I had a little flurry of activity in my otherwise stale acting life. I had a call back for a leading lady role -- something new for me. I have been kind of stuck between looking too old for ingenues but too young for leading ladies. Now you might think that I would be disappointed to find that I am looking a little older but in this instance, it's a good thing. So I was all excited and worked really hard and the director seemed to like what I did and... today I found out I didn't get the part. But they did call me back for something else in another play so I guess I didn't suck the air out of the room. So a high and a low all mixed into one. I'll keep you posted on the second call-back.

I have to say. I enjoyed performing even for those few moments at the audition and I really started to get the taste back in my mouth. Just like a starving person finally eating at the king's table, I remembered what I have tried so hard to forget. That I desperately love acting and I need it in my life. It's a hard business with LOTS of rejection (reference above as exhibit A) yet I need it much like air or water or any other element.

So that leads me to the rest of my day And my multiple doses of inspiration. They say that one doesn't choose the theatre, it chooses you. Well, lest I start to doubt this, I was surrounded by reminders. First, my kids are finishing up their camp tomorrow and preparing for their weekend performance. To see some of them, well, really all of them to some degree, step out of their shells as they step onto the stage is something to behold and as heart-warming as anything I have seen.

Join that to seeing one of my younger colleagues at the camp has started his own theatre company with friends. Not an easy thing to do. Something I have thought about a lot. Thought. Not did. Just thought. Even went to school to get one of my many (some might say excessive) degrees in the thought of running my own company. But again, just thought. Not did.

Finally. I saw a show this evening that reminded me of what fun theatre can be. That it doesn't have to be all drama (pun intended -- would that be "puntended"?) and angst. It can just be a lovely little lark that the actors and audience go on together. I laughed myself silly. and so did everyone around me. And the actors sure looked like they were having fun, as well. So I was a little jealous. I admit it. Yet another high and low wrapped into one.

So what does all this mean? I'm not sure but I know somehow, some way, I need to get back my acting boots. Because they were made for walking and that's just what I'm gonna do. I think it means that I need to look at ways to make theatre happen for myself. Not an easy proposition but far better than spending a lifetime sitting jealously in the seats. We'll see. But tonight, I have ridden the roller coaster and I feel like if I can't get off, at least I could push the button.

Day 300 or I Can't Tie Back the Hands of Time

2010-06-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

So tonight is my 300th night of this project and I have 13 nights remaining. Sadly as the clock runs down, I have actually avoiding posting. Why? Because I haven't had the perfect post. The perfect thing to say. I wanted to end on a bang but I realized that I was ending on a whimper solely by being paralyzed by fear. I do this more often than I like to admit. Especially in this "growing" forum.

And you know what stinks about that? As much as I have grown in this year of being 38, I can still allow perfectionism and fear stop me from something that I love. So fear not, loyal readers and friends, it seems that there is plenty of fodder for the next incarnation of 38Traci.

So I am making a promise. For the next twelve nights, perfect post or not, inspiration or not, I shall post. I hope to see you guys around these last few days. There is still time join me on my Heifer challenge. We almost have enough for a flock of chickens. So please click here to help.

I can't believe what an amazing ten months this has been. I have received so much more than I ever imagined. Made so many more friends than I could have believed. Learned from you and about myself. Had more fun than a Mexican Cruise -- well, maybe not more fun, but lots of fun, nonetheless! I have lost a lot this year but I have also gained. There has been good and bad but in short (or not so short -- this is me writing, after all), it's been the best of times...

Tonight's the night we'll make history
Honey, you and I.
'Cos I'll take any risk
To tie back the hands of time
And stay with you here tonight.

I know you feel these are the worst of times
I do believe it's true.
When people lock their doors and hide inside
Rumor has it, it's the end of Paradise.
But I know
If the world just passed us by Baby, I know
I wouldn't have to cry. No, no.

(Chorus)
The best of times
Are when I'm alone with you
Some rain, some shine
We'll make this a world for two.

Our memories of yesterday
Will last a lifetime.
We'll take the best, forget the rest
And someday we'll find
These are the best of times.....

The headlines read: "These are the worst of times"
I do believe it's true.
I feel so helpless like a boat against the tide
I wish the summer wind could bring back Paradise
But I know,
If the world turned upside down Baby, I know
You'd always be around. My, my.

The best of times
Are when I'm alone with you
Some rain, some shine
We'll make this a world for two.
When I'm alone with you

Everything's alright.
When I'm alone with you
You brighten up the night
When I'm alone with you................................

Day 297 or Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to the man who gave me life almost 39 years ago. You taught me strength, fortitude, and integrity. You taught me to never give up and to live up to my word. I hope that I have been a good daughter and make you proud.

Happy Father's Day to the man that made me a mother. The man who gave me the two most precious things in my life -- my son and my daughter. No, the three most precious things -- you also gave me your love. I am the most amazingly blessed woman and would not trade my life for anything! I hope that I make you as happy as you make me.

Thank you to these two amazing men and a Happy Day to all Fathers everywhere.

Day 295 or Don't You Love It When...

2010-06-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

Don't you love it when, you meet someone you admire and they are absolutely who you imagined them to be? So often people don't live up to our expectations, but don't you love it when they do?

Well, that's what happened to me last night. I have long been a fan of Lee the Hot Flash Queen from Headaches, Hormones, & Hot Flashes and last night I got to meet her, you know in real life. In the flesh. We broke bread -- well actually an interesting sashimi tuna pizza (you know in all my near 39 years, I never thought... sushi pizza, that's what is missing from my life!) -- but you get the idea. We drank wine, I must admit to more than she. I digress. Not that I ever do that. Not me.

Anyways, back to our date. Because that's what it felt like -- a blind date. We met on the internet. Shared a few emails. But who knew how we would be in person? But it was great. We were eHarmony for bloggers. We just, you know... clicked. She was funny and cool and way chic. I ate from her plate. She ate from mine. It was just magic.

So thanks, Lee. You are one great date. And next time, I promise to park better!!!

Day 293 or I'd Lose My Head If It Wasn't Attached

2010-06-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

So in the last week I have lost my book (found), my ID badge for work (not found), my water bottle (found), and possibly, my mind (still in question). It seems the only thing that hasn't been lost is my son's second loose tooth which is loose enough to annoy him but remains stubbornly entrenched to his great dismay.

I am usually pretty organized. I check my bag before leaving the house. I make lists, lists, and more lists. But lately, I feel like I never have what I need when I need it. Basically I am scrambling. Which is great when you want eggs but not so much when you are trying to juggle a husband in the Arctic, two children and a teaching job while staying with family. You know that mom you see every now and then that seems to have just what she needs at all times from some amazing Mary Poppins-like magic bag that manages to be decently sized and cute, all while looking calm, cool, & collected. Got that image? Okay. Think of its absolute opposite and that would be me.

My house is a wreck. Everywhere I look is something that I need to do or pick up. I fall asleep absolutely exhausted aware that a dozen things that I "should" have done went undone. I haven't posted in three days because I have not outlasted my children at bedtime. Oh, to have an ounce of that energy!

Mostly, though, I am aware that I might forget or lose something so everything I do takes twice as long as I double, no make that triple check myself. Which causes me to lose... Time.

Speaking of time, for those of you who are keeping track, there are 20 days remaining in my 38 and Growing experience. If you haven't already posted on my Support Heifer International Challenge, please do here. I am pledging $1 for each comment. Finally, I'd like to say thanks for all of you have stuck with me on this journey -- through broken computers, loss of loved ones, and just burn-outs. At least, I don't feel like I am losing you.

Day 290 or Training for the Olympics, Mommy Style

2010-06-13T15:33:00.001-07:00

If you are looking for a hardcore, cross-trained workout routine, one need only look at the mother of two young children.

Aerobics -- Chase after a potty training child while she runs giggling through the house with no pants on. Repeat 3-5 times daily.

Weight lifting -- Carry children who are clearly of age to walk themselves. Start with younger child and work up to school age child. Be sure to switch sides during carrying to ensure a balanced work-out. Add piggy backs, monkey hangs, and upside down swings, as desired.

Calisthenics -- Lean down and pick-up laundry strewn throughout the house. Be sure that clothing is placed far enough apart to require a unique bend-down ensuring multiple bends at the waist and several steps between. Note: Toys, sippy cups, or other childhood accessories may be used in place of clothing, as appropriate. Hallways are especially effective for this exercise.

Cardio -- (For those parenting in the multi-level home) Run up and down the stairs. Sources of this activity can include but are not limited to the following: 1) running to children who are screaming incessantly due to an unending need for food, drink, or dispensation of an argument with other sibling, 2) discovery that any item needed regardless of its owner or home location will always be on the other floor, and/or 3) discovery that said item once retrieved was nonetheless left behind as one of the previous two events happened during its retrieval and thus a round trip on the stairwell is required yet again to retrieve the item.

For full cross-training effect, an obstacle course of laundry baskets, toys, and other misplaced household items is suggested. Repeat daily.

Olympics, here I come!

(I once heard that an Olympic triathlete was hired to follow a two year-old for a day to test their endurance levels and he gave up after a couple of hours. And that's what we moms do everyday. Maybe we need to start our own games.)

P.S. Now that my husband is safely positioned in the Arctic -- a big shout out to my Canadian friends, my husband is now in your Northernmost region -- and I have survived my first full week back to teaching, I am getting back to my real life. You know the bloggy world. I should be around catching up with you all soon. :-)

Day 287 or It's Not Halloween But I Have Plenty of Masks

2010-06-10T15:20:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about how honestly I present myself. None of us are 100% real, 100% of the time. And that is certainly true of me.

Masks can be fun. They can even be liberating -- watch any film with a Masquerade scene and you'll see people feeling freed by anonymity. They are allowed to be themselves. Well, sometimes, at least.

And wouldn't it be nice to have a mask that looked like our most beautiful self (like my mother's wigs in the 1970's -- they looked exactly like her own hair but on it's best day). I'd love you to think that I wake up looking fresh and rested and beautiful. Sooo not true. And unfortunately, no mask. But that's what makeup is for right?

But what about the other masks. The more subtle masks -- the ones that I use to define who I am. The mom mask. The friend mask. The wife mask. The student mask. The employee mask. Etc., etc., etc.

They are the masks that I put on to play the roles of my life. Somedays the mask accurately reflects my persona and somedays it does not. Yet the mask is firmly put in place in each arena.

But what about bigger ways that I hide who I am? When I smile when I feel like crying. When I giggle at a slight pretending to be a joke even when I know it's a slight. When I swallow my words in the face of a family member who is completely obliterating everything I believe in during a political rant. These are masks that I wear. And these are the masks that I am sometimes imprisoned by.

We all wear masks at times but I think that it is those last masks, the total denial of how I feel (and therefore who I am) that slowly chill the soul and kill the passion. But these are the hardest masks to let go of -- they are protective masks even while they are destructive. Yet I don't think that I can fully be the person I could be, should be without at least addressing these.

It's not that I expect to run around with all emotions blazing at all times -- not sure that I would stay asylum free doing that. But I don't want to live a life in a mask. At least, not always.

Do you wear masks? Do you feel limited or liberated by them?

Day 284 or Between Two Milestones

2010-06-07T18:42:00.000-07:00

Right now I stand between two women in very different places in their lives.

I am working with a dear friend to plan a bridal shower for her impending nuptials. Her utter happiness at the beginning of her life with her beloved is absolutely contagious. She is a joy to be around as she reminds me of my days as a bride and as a newlywed. In other words, she carries the glow of beginnings and love.

Tonight I spent the evening with a woman I love very much who is deeply grieving the loss of her life partner, her best friend and lover. The man who gave the days meaning and the nights peace. Her life and her love. She is hurting so desperately and there is nothing I can do to stop that pain. She reminds me of the great cost of great love. I cannot fathom her pain and honestly, I don't want to. I don't want to know that loss.

I stand here between these two worlds. Yet not two worlds. Really two sides to the same coin. The coin we flip everyday that we live and we love. If you love passionately, there is great reward. If you love mightily, there is equal risk. Whether that love is a partner, a child, a friend, or even a dream. Anything we pour ourselves into has the ability to devastate us.

So do we risk taking no risks at all. Is that the answer? No. We have to risk pain, failure, loss, even humiliation to really live.

I can't stand the thought of losing my husband but I wouldn't trade a single day that we've shared to avoid that risk. I'm clear on that. I think that is a lesson of life. Total security and passion cannot co-exist. Not fully, at least. And I think that I have always known that about the loves of my life. But maybe not about my life in general. I think that I have always held back a little trying to limit my disappointment, my embarrassment, my failure.

But no more! With 29 days, I am saying no more. So as I stand between the two, between widow and bride, between youth and age, between beginning and end, I say that I want to live 100%, fully, passionately. Risk or no. I am alive and I am going to live. Between the milestones.

Day 283 or The Inmates are Running the Asylum

2010-06-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

Okay. Three days have flown by in a Dorothy-like tornado. But as I try to get my bearings, I want first to thank all of you who responded to my last post. It was one of the hardest for me to write and I really felt heard and cared for. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Now back to my tornado. We are swirling around n crazyville. We are getting my husband ready for the big trip North. I am getting ready to start my teaching job at a theatre camp. My kids are getting ready to make us both crazy! Alas.

So if I am away a bit this week, I beg your indulgence. I shall return. That is if the inmates return the keys.

P.S. 30 Days and Counting...

Day 280 or What I Threw Away

2010-06-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog some time ago, I promised to be honest. Honest with you and honest with myself. So I have a confession to make.

Once upon a time, I had a gift. A gift that came easily. A gift I did not respect.

Once upon a time, I could sing. Really sing. I say that with no ego. I am simply acknowledging now what I didn't then. But I threw it away.

Not like Whitney Houston. I didn't poison my body until the greatest voice of a generation was left to a gravely mess. No. First, I obviously did not have a voice of a generation. But I had a voice. My voice. And I neglected and disrespected it until it was no longer what it should be or what I now wish it to be.

Now. I miss that voice. I watch Glee and sometimes I start to cry. I see these beautiful young people who sing with such ease. Like I did. And like I can no longer.

I still have a voice. But not that voice. Not that range. Not that easy. Because at a young age, I gave up on myself and on my voice. I simply stopped trying. Stopped practicing. And voices need care. They need attention. And mine was denied that attention.

Now twenty years later, I want what I had and I have to accept that it's gone. I can get some of it back with a lot of work but my stratospheric soprano is forever gone. My easy belt is gone. It's like Joni Mitchell said, "You don't know what you've got, till it's gone".

But somewhere inside of me, there is a voice telling me that I need to sing. So I am committing to starting where I am and respecting what is still here. I can't undo two decades. I can't rewind the tape, I can't push the restart button. But I can choose to be where I am and work as hard as I can from this point.

So that's my confession. My life's shortcomings are not simply a refection of a bad deal in the career card game. I like to think that. It's almost comforting. But if I am going to being fully honest and authentic, if I am going to look back at this year and feel that I lived up to the title of 38 and Growing, I have to acknowledge that I was not always a true participant in my career. In my life. I embraced an image of myself that celebrated my insecurity and rejected my strengths. Why I did that requires more hours on a therapist's couch and more blog entries than we have time for here. Let's just accept the fact that I took a really wrong turn at one point.

So now as I close in on the big 39, I am trying a course correction. So I don't look back at the next twenty years with regret. So I can say that I saw my gifts and I did not throw them away.
That I did not pave over paradise.

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique
And a swinging hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

They took all the trees
Put 'em in a tree museum
And they charged the people
A dollar and a half just to see 'em
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Hey farmer farmer
Put away the D.D.T. now
Give me spots on my apples
But leave me the birds and the bees
Please!
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Late last night
I heard my screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi
Took away my old man
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

I said don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Day 278 or The Day I Lost My ...

2010-06-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

Brain. Oh I mean credit card. (Now did your mind go somewhere else? Naughty. Naughty.)

But back to my lost card. My husband is about to take a big trip. A trip North. Very North. Needless to say, life in Texas has not necessarily prepared us for all the contingencies of the Northernmost regions of the world. So yes, we pulled out the old reliable for a few necessities.

Unfortunately, I pulled it out while we were in the kitchen, unloading groceries (me), cooking dinner (said husband), and bickering (children). At some point I believed that I gave my husband the card. Except that when he was about to head out, he asked for it. WHAAAAT?

I gave it to you. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you didn't. So on and so forth. So we start looking. And looking. And looking. For hours.

Now I have one of those houses with a Bermuda Triangle quality. Not because it's messy. In fact, we were expecting company so we had cleaned all day. Yet things just seem to disappear. So after looking in all the obvious places, we looked in the less obvious places. After all the less obvious places, we looked in the stupid places. And after stupid places, well... I just started to lose it.

Had I created a memory? Because that means you're full-on, padded cell, white jacket crazy. It is entirely different than forgetting something. If I had not given it to my husband, what had I done? And why did I think that I had?

So just shy of pure "Gaslight", I had pulled out the microwave, I pulled out the stove, and the frig. I cleaned places that nobody cleans because nobody sees it. Because nobody loses their credit card, where? Drum roll, please.

In the Ziploc box. Yes, you read that right. The Ziploc box. It seems if we could have rewound the tape of our lives, we would have seen that while I was dividing up the huge pack of beef (that I got an awesome deal on) for the freezer and my husband and I were trying (and I do mean trying) to have an important conversation about this trip while my children were simultaneously fighting and calling my name every two minutes, I picked up the card with the extra Ziploc bags and promptly deposited them and the card into the box.

When my husband found it, I literally dropped to the ground. I cried. I'm not CRAZY. I'm just a very distracted mom. Very distracted. And I need to slow down and not try to multi-task so much.

So lesson learned.

Well, for today. But I am a mom. And we are expected to do more things in one day than any human is capable of and it is not just possible but entirely likely that I will attempt to do more than one thing at a time.

Probably tomorrow.

But for today, I will try to do better.

P.S. The good thing that came out of it -- my husband saw how thin I was stretched and made me a very large White Russian and a hot bath. So as they say, all's well that ends well.

Day 277 or I Remember

2010-05-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

Today, I remember those who have worn the uniform and did not come back to their families. I remember those for whom life and liberty were worth dying. I remember those who never again saw the very country for which they were fighting. I remember and therefore, I am dedicating today's post to them. God bless them and God bless all those who fight for freedom.

Day 276 or Sunday in My City -- The Cozumel Edition

2010-05-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well, it took a while but here they are. The long awaited Cozumel pics...

Our Ship

The Excursion Boat

A very large Iguana

Going Up

Way, Way Up

Private Beach

And Finally, Nacho... Cozumel's answer to Captain Jack Sparrow.

It was truly a wonderful trip. Please check out my wonderful friend Unknown Mami and travel the world with her meme, Sundays in My City!

Day 274 or The Tooth Man Cometh

2010-05-28T20:41:00.000-07:00

So many of you asked about the Tooth Fairy so here's the shizzle. The Tooth Fairy did come. Of course.

But, there is a funny story there. Well, I think it's funny. It's funny to me. But I have had a couple of White Russians this evening, so we'll see if the humor carries beyond the bizarre arena known as my brain.

After Sonny-Bunny went to sleep, Tooth Fairy and her assistant had a discussion (debate) over what was the appropriate price for the tooth. Tooth Fairy, in her infinite wisdom and elephant-like memory, stated that the previous two teeth (wrought from two separate painful accidents) had brought $5 each. Therefore, TF thought it only proper to maintain that as current retail value. Her assistant however, thought that $1 would be more appropriate. TF won the argument, as she always does, and $5 was properly traded for said tooth.

The next morning, when Sonny-Bunny awakens for school, I say "Let' s see what the Tooth Fairy brought". To which he said (with a great big smile), "I bet it's a dollar." (Yes. "A" dollar. As in one.) When he sees the $5, he is screaming, "Mommy, you have to see this! You have to see what kind of dollar it is! It has a five, Mommy! It's a five dollar!" He was over the moon.

So it seems that the going rate is $1 and the assistant was right. Maybe someone should share that info with the big TF. Maybe a night before would have been even better. Alas.

:-)

Day 273 or A Little Loss, A Big Deal

2010-05-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

Of course, my son couldn't be on my blogging schedule because this would have been a perfect Wordless Wednesday post. Alas. Wouldn't it be nice if our kids could be a little more considerate? LOL

Here's the excitement at our house...

Yes. For the first time, my son has lost a tooth the natural way (He has lost two other teeth in two different accidents). He was so brave and as you can see, so proud! So congratulations, little man. You are growing up.

Day 271 or Living in the Chaos

2010-05-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

I love my children.

I love the look of them. I love their smiles. I love, Love, LOVE the way my daughter tucks her hands under her chin when she sleeps and how my son can't help but make a goofy face when a picture is taken.

I love the way they smell. Well, most of the time. I love my daughter's hair after a wash and my son's breath when he blows in my face to prove he's brushed his teeth (when he has actually brushed his teeth, that is!).

But I don't always love the SOUND of them.

I love to hear them when they whisper secrets in my ears. I adore their giggles. I love their little kid dialects. How they shape their words. I love it when my daughter sings -- at least for the first six times I hear the song of choice. I love when my son tells me (in extensive detail) his favorite films and stories.

What I don't love is that building roar when the two are overtired yet insistent that they play together. When there is just a little too much excitement in their voices. They are having fun but I can't enjoy it because I KNOW where this is going. In moments we will descend into bickering, in to the "he hit me", "no, she hit me", so on and so forth. There is a certain pitch and decibel that I have come to recognize as the precursor to the descent. The quick ride down to Crazy Momma Ville.

Tonight I caught myself in one of these moments. The kids are soooo happy. They are playing happily. Whatever may happen later, why can't I embrace this moment? Why can't I enjoy where they are now without worrying where they will be in five minutes?

I think that this is a metaphor for my life. As a mother. As a wife. As me! I need to enjoy the laughter, the craziness, the chaos of life a little bit more. Relax into it. Live it without feeling the need to slam my foot on the brake. I'm so worried of where it might go that I never truly take the ride and find out.

Now in tonight's case, we did dip close to the Danger Zone, but even without my bellowing to cut it out before someone got hurt, they survived. I survived. And I got just a couple more moments to enjoy them. And that makes it all worthwhile.

Day 270 or Lessons I Learned on a Mexican Cruise, Pt. 3

2010-05-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

So we return to my travels. I also learned that time is relative. (Yes. I am aware that some fellow named Einstein already covered that topic but today it's my discovery.)

I've already mentioned how weird it was for me that there were no clocks on the boat. Slowing down is not easy for me. At all. So on the banks of the Gulf, on a private beach, my internal clock was still ticking.

Our time was winding down and I was having a necklace made. Our excursion host Adrien is with me telling me that his friends will give me a good price. I comment on the time and in classic beach vacation style, he says, "No worries. you have plenty of time". I relax a little and smile. I return my attention to the necklace and he walks past me and instantly starts yelling "Vamonos!" I turn and remind him that he had just told me that I had plenty of time and he nods yes. Again he tells me that I have plenty of time. When I looked confused, he tells me I'm with him, so there are no worries.

So again I relaxed. And again, he yelled. And again I worried. And again he reassured me.

What's the lesson, you might ask? I really have no idea. Hahaha. No. I do. It's that time is what you make it. And worrying changes none of it. I need to learn to live a little less by the clock. (Or possibly the lesson is that Adrien gets a kickback from the necklaces and there is always time for sale. But let's go with the other.)

On a complete side note, Adrien provided perspective on another more PG-13 topic. When I was trying on the necklace, I had my mother secure my bathing suit top while I undid the straps to better see the length. I teasingly said, "Hold on tight. I am an old mama and nobody wants to see that!". Adrien laughs and in his suave Mexican accent, he says... "You don't know that". Hahaha! It's all about perspective, right? (Sorry. Just had to share that -- kind of made my trip. LOL)

Speaking of perspective, I para-sailed! It is the most AMAZING thing! The world looks very different when you are floating several stories above the beautiful blue sea with your best friend next to you. It was on my bucket list but no longer! I succeeded in doing something both exciting and terrifying. Yes. I did some serious living!

Now don't think I forgot about Nacho, my favorite Johnny Depp doppelganger. If CVS does their job today, pictures should be forthcoming, as well as pics from my snorkeling! (I had to use a traditional (read: non-digital) camera for the water shots so I have to get them developed. And yes, it has taken me almost three weeks to drop off a camera. Pretty sad but very true!)

Have a great week.
:-)

Day 267 or We Interrupt This Program...

2010-05-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am interrupting my Lessons I Learned on a Mexican Cruise to ask this question. Do you DVR? Because I do. And it has gotten out of hand. Seriously.

I don't know how to watch live television anymore. I can't stand watching commercials. I literally get antsy.

But that's not the worst of it.

Here's the real trouble. I have so many shows recorded, scheduled to record, wanting to be recorded, sad that they are not recorded.. etc., etc., etc. What started out as a lovely little way to not miss my favorite shows has become part of my to-do list. I literally feel guilty when I start seeing the exclamation mark appear next to older shows. Oh No! I better ramp up my TV watching so that the four month old episode of "The Forgotten" won't get erased. I mean that show has zero chance of renewal so if I don't watch them, who will? Tell me that. Who will watch Christian Slater helm a group of mismatched heroes as they bring unidentified bodies home to their families? I will.

Unless, of course, there is a new recording competing with it. Like three "Modern Family"s, two "The Office"s, and about a dozen "Cougar Town"s. In other words, my DVR habit is OUT OF CONTROL!!! I feel the need to have a recording on at all times just so I don't have to erase my children's shows.

Yes. That's right. I am horrendous! I have hunted through the recordings for "Max and Ruby" (You know that Ruby will ignore Max until Max proves that he knew the answer all the time), "Go, Diego, Go" (He is going to save the animal, after all), or "Dora the Explorer" (She did it. She did it. She ALWAYS does it, is there any surprise left???) Just so I don't lose a movie I recorded in January. January 2009!!!!

Somebody help me. I am swimming in the cheap thrills of commercial-free, anytime TV Viewing. It seemed so innocent, at first. Now. I am on the metaphorical street corner stealing from my own children to fuel my habit.

Please stop me. Because. I. Can't. Stop. Myself.

Day 265 or Lessons I Learned on a Mexican Cruise, Pt.2

2010-05-19T21:27:00.000-07:00

So, I return to the lessons learned on the sails (well, steam) of a Carnival ship and the shores of Mexico.

First, I learned that there is a place away from my own refrigerator wherein I can eat 24/7. Seriously. To begin, there are the restaurants -- they serve coursed meals three times a day. Reasonable enough, right? Then there are the buffets. These are open almost without break from 6:00 am until 1:00 am. They offer hamburgers, hot dogs, and fries, yes. Pizza and deli around the clock, as well. Soft serve ice cream? Of course. But that isn't everything. They make fresh Mongolian (or Szechuan or Thai) stir fry to order. There are even a few hours that sushi s available. And midnight buffets included Mexican. (I know. I know. As much as I love, Love, LOVE Mexican food, I did not partake in the "Midnight" variety.)

But you still haven't reached twenty-four hours, Traci. Too true. That's because I did not mention Room Service. Yes. In case, you feel that your gastro-related needs have not been met in the 19 hours already covered or you simply have no desire to partake of the sun and sea offered by the boat, it can be brought to you. By very attractive people no less.

Alcohol is equally available (and almost as readily consumed). That is if you are comfortable drinking away your children's college fund. Which evidently I was because I drank more in those five days then in the five months preceding. Of course, I would have to have a college fund to drink it away... but let's move on, shall we? (No judging. Okay. Judge. Can't blame you.)

I drank fruity drinks. I drank wine. I drank sodas spiked with rum smuggled onto the boat. We did it in a very clever way that I am dying to share but I was sworn to silence lest my 15 daily readers include a random cruise executive and ruin our future opportunities. If, however, you can prove your non-cruise employment status and want a hint, write me directly. Until then, I stand under the Cone of Silence.

Next, I will tell you something that had me cracking up when I first entered my room. To save money, we had an internal room. No biggie -- we were only in the room long enough to sleep and/or shower. But despite our internal room status, I walked into a room with a window. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. They had a fake window. A large 3 x 4 inset with a curtain. Cracked me up! It evidently helps with claustrophobia. Funnier, however, is that over the days, I would forget that it wasn't real and lift the curtain.

And that's what I'll close with because my mind is on sleep. These internal rooms get completely dark. There is just the slightest line of light at the crack of the door. Otherwise, ZERO light. And here's my lesson. I can sleep. When the sun does not peek through at dawn (and there are no children's elbows in my ribs, or husband snoring, or... I mean when there is no light), I can sleep hard. And beautifully. But now I am slurring my typing and about to fall asleep at my keyboard, so I will stop here so that I may begin a less stellar night of sleep.

Notes from the men of Cozumel still to come -- including the man they call "Nacho", otherwise known as the Captain Jack Sparrow of the Southern Gulf.

Day 263 or I Got a Pretty Dress to Review...

2010-05-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

I was contacted by eShakti to review one of their products. How lucky am I?!?!

If you have never visited their site, you absolutely should. The quality is extremely high. The colors are bright and the designs are diverse. I chose a lovely coral halter dress and there are some real bragging points!

First off, the dress is made very well. It is fully lined. The material is both attractive and sturdy. And unlike so many items I see today, the edges are fully surged, the stiching complete with a good thread, and the ruffled hems are double-stitched.

Secondly, the back of the halter is high enough that a traditional strapless bra can be worn (no wack-a-doo convertible bra necessary! Though a bra with a clear halter strap would work, as well.) This was a huge selling point for me.

The third point is that the dress can be worn with or without the provided a belt. The dress comes with a beautiful woven tie belt. The dress looks great both ways.

Finally, an extra bonus. The dress has pockets. (How much does a mom love that?) While it is cute enough to be worn to a party, it is comfortable and practical enough to wear anyday with the kids. I love, Love, LOVE this! With the ridiculous heat of a Texas summer, I often wear dresses. This dress is simple and stylish -- what more could one ask for? Below you will find photos of the dress and its details.

I hope that I have persuaded you that eShakti is worth a look. I received no compensation for my opinions; only a sample dress for review. The opinions represented are mine. I want to say a big thank you to Shakti dresses for this lovely opportunity. I cannot say enough about how well I was treated or how pleased I am with the product. So, thanks!!!

Finally, for those of you sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for more Lessons I Learned on a Mexican Cruise -- because that's what I do to people, leave them breathless awaiting my next word (LOL) -- stay tuned, more is coming. And hopefully with pictures, I am still suffering the wrath of the tech gods. Move over Zeus, the mighty blue screen of laptop death is far more mighty and destructive.

Day 262 or Lessons I Learned on a Mexican Cruise, Pt.1

2010-05-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I wanted to hook up with the lovely Unknown Mami for her FABULOUS meme, Sundays in My City -- the Cozumel edition. Unfortunately, however, I am still fighting tech issues so instead I will share some of my stories.

First lesson is... some people do not want to be happy. Even on a cruise. Even in the middle of the bluest water meeting the bluest sky. Some people must choose to be unhappy.

Now why would I say that?

Because, one of the first things you can do when you get on the boat is head to the buffet (the first of MANY, but more on that later). The boat has not left the dock. The sun is shining. Drinks are already being poured and consumed (and consumed, and consumed). And there is a woman yelling at a server because she doesn't like where they put the silverware. Seriously. She is about to sail off into a blue horizon with all the food she could want (most of it good) and she is picking a fight over flatware.

For me, it was eye-opening. I could not have been more excited in that moment. I wouldn't have complained if I had to carry the same fork around the rest of the trip (all right, I probably would complained under those circumstances, but you know I love hyperbole) and she was mad because they had the silverware in the central kiosk rather than at the beginning of each line. Really? REALLY??? I really don't think that woman wants to be happy.

Hey. Maybe, I'm wrong. Is there a wealth of flatware faux pas out there worthy of starting a cruise out angry? Did I miss a class in etiquette that demands immediate and harsh reaction to such a culinary disaster? If so, please enlighten me. Otherwise, I stick with my original hypothesis. This woman does not want to be happy.

Second lesson. I am addicted to my iPhone. I am so used to being attached at all times that I actually experienced a little anxiety when I saw my little ATT in the upper left corner go to No Service. I could not call my family and they could not call me. I could not check for comments on my blog or write comments on yours. No facebook at my fingertips and no constant twitter updates. I think that an Intervention was in order. (I even take it in the bathroom -- yeah, I know. But I'm a mom and you know sometimes, that's the only time. Okay. Okay. Enough said.) Well, I got my intervention. Spending days out in the middle of the Dead Zone made me realize that I have a strong relationship with my technology. I can't even say that I went total cold turkey. I did visit the Internet station. But at $.55/minute, I only used it to send emails to the family, no surfing. No blogging. A little peek at the bank balance so I had no unpleasant surprises and back to life at a slower pace.

Good lesson, right? Yeah. But just like any other addict, I have relapsed. My iPhone has been in my back pocket since re-entry. Alas. Is there still hope for me yet? I'd like to think so but will all the blogs I love, well let's just not go there and instead think happy thoughts.

It was very hard for me to slow down. The pace of life has gotten so fast and so a part of me that being without my iPhone was not the only change. Clocks are rare on the boat. As a mom, I am so used to being on a schedule. It was wild being on "no time" time. (I have more to say on that from my sadly limited time in Mexico, but as I am now back on Mommy No Time, that will have to wait...) It's a good lesson, however, to step back a little from the clock. You'll note that I said "a little" but I am trying.

So, there is Lessons Part One. More on drinks, bathing suits, and the Mexican Johnny Depp to come. I peeked your interest there, didn't I? Stay tuned, folks.
:-)

Day 260 or The Honeymoon is Over

2010-05-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Remember that glowing post I wrote yesterday about the beauty of coming home to my children? How they seemed to appreciate me more? Were you laughing then, knowing that the other shoe would drop? That somehow, some way they would make me pay for those days of relaxation and those nights of unhindered sleep? And that they would choose the night that their father worked to do so?

I don't know what pod appeared in our home this afternoon but my children were replaced by an insane alien breed that cannot stop bickering, crying, and/or saying "Mommy" 12 times every minute. They have fought, thrown toys, screamed at the top of their lungs, and kicked the wall.

I swear that every ounce of residual cruise high has gone LOW.

And yet, I sit here laughing. Not because I need a straight jacket, though that is still a possibility -- stand by, boys. Not because my daughter just mooned me. She did. Seriously. But because my son just disappeared to his room and returned claiming that he had just put something on his blog. Yes. You read that right. He told me that baby was being so silly that he posted it on his blog and now everyone can read it. He's six, ladies and gentlemen. Yet in 2010, my six year old has created an imaginary blog wherein he can document his life.

And what do I do? I run to my blog to share it! He then sees me typing and says, "It that your blog, Mommy?" Oh, dear. I feel a lot like Dr. Frankenstein at this moment. Oh, what have I created?

Alas, I scooped up both of my monsters and told them that I loved them. Even when they made me crazy. Even when I yell and they kick. Even when toys have flown and tears have flowed. Always and forever.

I hope one day, my son will blog about that.

Day 258 or A Wonderful Welcome Home

2010-05-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

First, I want to thank all of you who stopped by to wish me a good trip or a welcome return. As per usual, my bloggy friends have made me feel like a rock star! While more stories and pictures are to follow, tonight I want to share my reunion with my children.

I'll be honest. As wonderful as the cruise was, and it was pretty darn wonderful, I missed my husband and kids like crazy! By Monday, I was crazy to see them. And when I finally met up with the old kiddos, it made the time away worthwhile.

My daughter jumped into my arms. As she hugged the breath out of me, I said "I missed you". She leaned back, looked into my eyes and said, "I missed you, too, Mommy" and if possible, squeezed me tighter. Her little voice actually sounded more mature than when I last heard it. And it was so sincere. I started to cry. When I told her that she made me cry, she reacted strongly with "No, I didn't!". I then explained that there was something known as happy tears (a foreign concept to her), she hugged me yet again and told me that she loved me. It was one of those moments wherein, you will yourself to suck every drop out of the moment. To be a sponge absorbing every sound, every nuance.

My son, however, played things a little cooler. When I arrived, he gave me a quick hug and a perfunctory thank you when presented with his pirate's booty of gifts from the ship and Cozumel. Later that evening, however, he climbed me much like a koala on a eucalyptus tree telling me that he missed me very, Very, VERY much. His passion was stunning and a dream come true as a Mommy.

So why am I sharing the end of the trip first? Because it taught me an incredible lesson.

There is an old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder but often I think as moms, we're so worried about missing anything with our kids or not "being there" for any little need our children might have that we don't give them a chance to miss us. Well, my kids missed me. I left them for almost five days and the world did not crash around them. They survived without me. But they sure came to realize that Mommy does a lot of things. (P.S. I think my husband learned the same thing. But don't tell him that I know that he knows.)

So whether it's a cruise or a cup of coffee by yourself, give your family a chance to miss you. It may be hard -- you'll probably miss them, as well (probably!) -- but the payoff is huge!

Day 257 or Wordless Wednesday -- I'm Back!

2010-05-11T18:40:00.001-07:00

Here's my tease. More to come as I settle back into real life.
"Back to life... Back to reality"

If you've never taken a cruise before, they make animals out of towels -- walruses, teddy bears, etc. -- but this one was my favorite.

So stay tuned and happy Wordless Wednesday with 5 Minutes for Mom!

Day 250 or Where Does the Time Go?

2010-05-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

Did you think I fell off the face of the Earth? Blogging aliens scooped me up and performed their blogging experiments on me? Well, technology did play a part in my disappearance. My laptop has gone haywire and what little time it has been functioning, I have spent frantically typing my schoolwork, hoping to beat the internal ding that the computer must hear that causes it to shut down.

Maybe you thought my funk re-established itself and I am happy to report that is not the case though I have felt a bit at a loss for time. It's ironic that just when you want time to slow down, it seems to spin at an ever-increasing speed. My son is closing in on the end of his kindergarten year. It seems yesterday that I posted his first day of school photo on Facebook and now I am busy planning the End-of-Year festivities. So "where does the time go?" has a second level of meaning to me. Each day that speeds by is a day of my children's lives speeding by.

I am really happy, to share with you that this is not the only reason that I have been busy. I have been packing. Packing? What are you packing for? SOOOO glad that you asked. I am going on a cruise. Yes! Yours truly is leaving on a cruise. I have never been on a cruise before and I am HUGELY excited. My best friend of 30 years, my mom, and her mom will be sailing the mighty seas to Mexico for five long days and four lovely nights!!!! (I have also been doing all the things that a mom has to do before she leaves her husband --the children's father-- in charge for five days. By the way, that is a LOT!)

So I will be away for the rest of this week, as well. But when I get back, I will share some photos and hopefully come back rested, restored, and inspired. I wish you all a wonderful week. I thought about what song to share in my absence. You might think "The Pina Colada Song" because I WILL be drinking those on the cruise but I think that song is crazy. (They are supposed to live happily ever after when they both were prepared to cheat on each other -- WHAT???) So I wanted to share a song that makes me happy, so here it is.

What a Beautiful World

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I'll see you guys next week and to the mothers out there -- "Happy Mother's Day"

Day 245 or Kids Say the Beautifulest Things

2010-04-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

Remember that show "Kids Say the Darndest Things"? First, it was Art Linkletter and then it was Bill Cosby. The set-up was that children were asked seemingly innocuous questions and then the children would answer, well like... children.

I sure wish that show was still around because my children would be excellent candidates. I wish that I could remember everything cute that they say but it's impossible. But below is an example of what I would call, "Kids Say the Beautifulest Things".

As many of you know, we lost my FIL earlier this year. On a daily basis, the following conversation happens.

Daughter: Mommy, did (Grandpa) die?
Me: Yes, Baby. Where is (GP)?
D: In Heaven with the angels.
M: That's right, baby.

But this week, the following elements were added.

D: Mommy, did (GP) die?
M: Yes, Baby. Where is (GP)?
D: In Heaven with the angels. He's in the charge of the music.

On another occasion, we were in the car with my son.

D: Mommy, did (GP) die?
M: Yes Baby. Where is (GP)?
D: In Heaven with the angels.
M: That's right.
Son: Mommy, do you know who else is with (GP) and the angels?
M: Who?
S: Tuna Boy (our beloved cat that we lost in December). Tuna Boy loves to dance.

These conversations so touch my heart because we think that kids can't handle things like death. We think that they have no understanding of Heaven and then, as per usual, I learn my greatest lessons from them.

They miss their (GP) and their cat. But when they ask about them, it is never with fear or sadness but with the innocence of a child learning to understand why something he/she loves is no longer with them. My daughter asks the questions EVERY day with the same freshness but each time, her answer is a little more resolved. If only I could be that way in my life with much smaller things, much less on something as profound as death.

Before, I fog up my screen with my mistiness at my own children, I will close with one last observation from my daughter. I think it says it all.

D: Mommy, is (GP) in my heart?
M: Yes, Baby. He will always be in your heart.
D: Is he in your heart?
M: Yes, Baby. Whenever we love someone, they are always in our heart.
D: Oh.... Am I in your heart?
M: Of course.
D: Okay. You're in my heart, too.

Day 244 or Good (Bad) Day

2010-04-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

WARNING: The following post has a high probability of installing an ear bug that might require 12-18 hours for removal. So if you do not wish said ear installation, please stop reading now.

Okay, is everyone warned? What? You say that it is impossible to stop your eyes from dropping down and therefore, the ear bug has already in place. Oh. Well, sorry about that. But since the damage is done, you might as well come along for the ride.

Very few songs make me feel as happy as Daniel Powter's "Bad Day". Yes, I know that it is completely cheesy but my love for la musique de fromage has been demonstrated many times over, so we will just move along. There is irony in a song about a bad day making me so happy but the tune is very catchy. More than that for me, however, is that we have all had that day. The day when you look at your life and it feels like all the color has run out of it. The day when just standing in line for coffee is difficult. And on those days, you feel like you are the only one. And you're not! So as I am coming out of my funk, I am singing along. And I am wishing you a good day as I share... you guessed it, "Bad Day".

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Day 242 or Remembering Why

2010-04-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

Well, Sunday's post was less than inspirational. Thank you to all of you who commiserated with my "out-of-gas" mentality. I love blogging. It has brought me great solace, great friends, all around great things. And most of the time, I can't wait to pull out my laptop. But last week was just not that week. Thanks for understanding. It's nice to know that you guys are here on my bad days, as well as my good ones.

So yesterday I was dragging around in my less than inspired state and three things changed that. The first seems silly but maybe is not so silly after all. I got out of the house. I love thrifting which is something not easily done with children. So my husband watched the kids for an hour or so while I went to my favorite store (Savers! If you have one in your city, you must check it out!). And while a little retail therapy can do wonders, I really think it was getting out BY MYSELF! As moms, I think that we can forget how important it is to take time to be by ourselves. So silly, yes but no.

Secondly, I was contacted by Hotels Combined. They found my blog and saw my desire to help support Heifer International which makes me say "YAY!" They have a fabulous program where we as bloggers and tweeters can earn money for charities simply by spreading the word about their company. How much did this inspire me as a blogger? There is power in the word of mouth and I am thrilled to Spread the Word for Hotels Combined . You can choose from three great charities -- WWF, World Vision, and Make-a-Wish. While all three are wonderful -- World Vision is really in line with my goals supporting Heifer International. This made me feel like, yes, my blog matters. So thank you, Hotels Combined, you have no idea, how good you made me feel! And here's the great thing -- if you want to support a charity, it's so easy. Contact them at charity@hotelscombined.com. Or check them out at Spread the Word for Charity (http://www.hotelscombined.com/Charity.aspx).

I recommend HotelsCombined.com and sent $20 to World Vision!

You can shout and help too.

Finally, and most personally, I was reminded by my daughter what is real. What is true. And what I will miss desperately one day. And she reminded me why I have to recharge so I don't get burnt out, run-down, and "fried" and miss out on moments that will pass in an instant. She called me into the hallway where she had created her own version of hopscotch with her old crib quilt and imaginary stones. At first, when she called me away from my cleaning, I sighed. But when I listened to her and realized that her beautiful little three year old imagination had imagined a very detailed and specific game, I was entranced and enchanted. And I thought, "This is it, Traci! This is the life you don't want to miss!" And too soon, these days will be gone. I don't know that she will remember this game tomorrow but I will remember it for as long as I have breath in my body. And then I thought, "I have to blog about this!" and I knew that I was back. "Yeah, baby!"

So there it is. I am coming out of my funk. Can't promise that I won't fall back but I'm going to remember this. It's my blog and as several of you pointed out, it's supposed to be fun. So here's to more fun (Blogging and otherwise!) And I should be around soon because a LOT of the fun of blogging is visiting my friends!

Day 240 or Sputter, Sputter

2010-04-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

So I haven't written in a few days. I don't have a terrific answer as to why not. I have just felt a little like a plane that is sputtering out. No energy. No inspiration. It just feels like I am working so hard to stay in the air. The plane has run out of gas and I feel a nosedive coming.

This happens to me sometimes but it is always disappointing and frustrating. I try so hard to stay focused and driven. When I do anything I am usually an 110%, Go-Go-Go girl. Whether it's my schoolwork, my kids, or this blog. But sometimes, all that just disappears. And this week, I haven't felt inspired to do more that click the like button on Facebook. And I don't want to come here to whine.

But then I thought "What the heck is my blog for?" If I can't come to it and be who I am, where I am, then what have I been doing these 200+ days? So this is where I am, who I am. Tired. Behind on my schoolwork. Avoiding my laptop like a pile of laundry. (Ironically, my laundry is done.)

So here's to a better week. If I haven't been by to visit, I should be around soon. As you can see, I haven't even been visiting my own place!

Day 237 or Earth Day -- I'm a Heifer, Are you?

2010-04-22T16:49:00.001-07:00

This week I was introduced to Heifer International, an organization that promotes a Pass-it-forward, Earth-friendly approach to fighting hunger and poverty. Many of you may of heard (I almost wrote "herd" but resisted the pun) of it before but for those of you like me who were previously ignorant of this amazing organization, please let me share with you why I am choosing to dedicate time, money, and energy (all of which are in short supply).

Heifer International takes donations and uses them to purchase an animal to be presented to a needy family in a destitute part of the world. The animals are livestock that create a stream of food and income (e.g. milk or eggs). The family is taught how to care for the animal and they are taught monetary and marketing skills so they may sell their wares. This money allows children to attend school and/or avoid being sold by their parents. It also creates self-esteem and independence, especially for women.

But the good doesn't end there. The receiving family makes a commitment to passing it forward. The family must give away the first offspring of their gifted animal. This allows not only the food and income to increase throughout the community but the educational opportunities, as well. Heifer International commits to educating these communities in many areas including finance, crops, and animal husbandry.

Now what does this have to do with Earth Day, you may ask? Heifer International teaches sustainable crop techniques -- to "manage pests organically, conserve water, and build healthy soil". More than that, however, they are committed to stopping deforestation for firewood. Believe it or not, the animals that are introduced into the communities provide another valuable resource -- dung. The families are taught how to collect and dry the animal refuse and use it for fuel -- both saving money for the family and trees for the world.

Here in the United States, even our poorest children are offered the opportunity to attend school. For free. This is not true in all countries. Also, our children -- especially our daughters -- are not seen as commodities to be sold to support the family. Again, not a given in many parts of this world. Heifer International promotes the position of girls and young women by giving them a value in their family and community beyond marriage. It allows them time to receive education and advance their community as a whole. They aren't just meeting the hunger needs of the community (or giving a fish for a day), they are helping these villages move into the 21st century (teaching them to "fish").

In other words, they are changing the world. One cow (chicken, goat, etc.) at a time.

So, I am making a commitment to this organization and to you. I will donate $1 per comment I receive below and if you would like to make a donation, I will match the donation up to $10 each. My family and I are committed to hosting bake sales, you name it, to ensure that we reach this goal.

For every $20 we raise, we can gift a flock of chickens. $60 will provide a flock of geese. $120 gets a goat and if we can make it to $500, yes we will be giving a cow. I hope you will help me in this. Spread the word. If you want to donate, please leave your contact email in the comment and I will contact you directly.

I am leaving this open until Monday, July 5th. Then on Tuesday, July 6th in honor of my 39th birthday and the end of the 38 and Growing experience, I will share with you how much we raised and what we were able to purchase.

So please spread the word. Make me work to match those donations. Look I even made a button.

Thanks. One of the reasons I fell in love with this organization is that it doesn't take a big check to make a big difference. Let's see what we can do!

Day 236 or Wordless Wednesday -- First Swim of Spring

2010-04-21T07:34:00.001-07:00

The water is ice cold but they don't care. Aaah, to be a kid again! If you want to join the (almost) Wordless fun, go over to 5 Minutes for Mom to add your pics!

Day 235 or You Say Yes...

2010-04-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

I say NO! No, no, no!

You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

I say high, you say low
You say why, and I say I don't know
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

Why, why, why, why, why, why
Do you say good bye
Goodbye, bye, bye, bye, bye

Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello
Hello

Hela, heba helloa
Hela, heba helloa

This is the quality of conversations around my house tonight. Ever have one of those? The Beatles may not have been singing about 3 and 6 year olds but they might has well have been. Tonight is one of those nights where the delta between the mom I want to be and the mom I am being is quite wide -- Continental Divide-like even.

This is not the post I intended to write. I wanted to share an update on my 2010 Bucket List -- I found a fabulous charity that has spoken to my heart. A charity I want to share with my children and with you. But somehow my fingers are not typing that post. That post will have to wait for another day. A day wherein I feel inspired because that post requires inspiration. Something that I have little of this evening.

Tonight is not that night for that post. Tonight, I am going to close up the laptop and say goodbye or as my children would probably say right now, hello.

Day 234 or It's Coming... I promise

2010-04-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

Okay. Big assignment due tonight so this will be quick. I have received a few awards lately and I want to say thank you. Later this week I shall do a proper post but I am so appreciative that you guys thought of me enough to pass along some love. So Mommy Living the Life of Riley, Betty over at Cut and Dry, Aging Mommy, the Improbable Housewife, and Tami at Hearts Make Families -- I have NOT forgotten you. It's coming... I promise!
:-)

Day 233 or Sundays in My City

2010-04-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

I know that a lot of my SIMC posts have been floral but I just love Spring! The azaleas are in bloom and I love them.

Go see my friend Unknown Mami and check out Sundays in her city.

Day 231 or To Be or Not to Be...

2010-04-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

A Mommy Blog.

As the Ultimate Blog Party comes to a close, I have really thought about 38 and Growing. Where I started and where I have evolved with this little blog.

I was sitting here staring at my screen about to write the brilliant things that my daughter said to me this morning or to tell you about last night. The night wherein I was sitting on the floor crying after having put my daughter in time-out for the fifth time. Or taken away three of my son's dominoes (too long to explain -- basic answer, these are valuable commodities in our home!).

I was about to write all of that when I said to myself -- "Hey! When did you become a Mommy Blog?" Now wait! Before you run off thinking that I have a problem with that moniker -- I am participating in the 5 Minutes for Mom party after all. I love my kids. I love being a mom. I love writing about being a mom and hearing from other moms.

It's just that it wasn't how I started this journey. It was about me. Me. Me. Me. (Okay, that was obnoxious but you get the idea!) And that is part of being a mom. You give up a lot of your journey to ride along with your children on the most amazing journey of them all. But it is also, part of life for all of us. We think we know where we are going and suddenly find ourselves somewhere completely different! I guess I should have taken that left turn in Albuquerque.

So sometimes I am a Mommy blog. And sometimes I am not. Sometimes it is about me. And sometimes (read: a LOT of the time) it is not. But this is my journey. And as much as I sometimes would like to, I cannot extricate the Mommy from Me. I just have to remember the Me in the Mommy!

Day 230 or I Worry

2010-04-15T07:18:00.000-07:00

I worry. A lot. Too often for reasons I can't even adequately explain.

I'll be driving in the car and have an overwhelming fear that I have forgotten something. If I don't see my children in the rear view, I run through my mind to confirm that they indeed are not supposed to be with me. I filed my taxes in February, received my refund (spent my refund... no comment), and yet today I stress about it being tax day. Did I forget something? Have I really filed? So maybe when my children tell me that I am crazy, maybe they aren't too far off. Maybe my blog should be 38 and Crazy. Then I could name my new blog "Still Crazy After All These Years".

Why do I do this to myself? It's not that I don't worry about real things, as well -- will there be money in the bank when the electricity is due? Is my daughter's fever something serious? Will you hate that I spent a blog entry on being worried? (Okay. Not really a legitimate worry topic but nonetheless, as I said -- I worry!)

The truth is that my head knows that worrying has no value whether it's over something real or something crazy. Yet I continue to indulge in this less than worthwhile use of my time. This drain on my spirit and distraction from the beauty of my life. Why do I do this? I do NOT know. But I need to figure it out or I will never be fully able to live the life I am meant to live.

Do you worry? For valid reasons or for "crazy'" reasons? What is your coping mechanism?

Day 229 or Wordless Wednesday -- No Pictures, Please

2010-04-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

Enough said! Join the fun at 5 Minutes for Mom.

Day 227 or UBP,May I Introduce Myself

2010-04-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone. For those of you who have previously joined me over the last 226 days, please forgive me for any boring, seemingly repetitive information -- well, not seemingly repetitive, probably actually repetitive. Nonetheless, please bear with me. Don' run away screaming or worse, skulk away as if you were never here (yes, I used skulk. I knew one day I would find an opportunity to use a 13th century Scandinavian word. Pretty good for a little Texan girl. But I digress -- don't do it. No skulking!)

So for those of you still with me, here's the Reader's Digest story of my life in the blogging world. About a month after turning 38 (hence the title), I found myself a SAHM in a new town. I say found myself which is ironic (not in the Alanis Morisette way) because I was very lost. I had not succeeded in the dreams of my 20s yet I had a good life. I was blessed with a fabulous family but I had nothing that was challenging me, driving me. And I had aways been driven. I'm a famously hard worker. So besides volunteering for WAY too many PTA committees (See here), what was a girl to do?

So on a girls' night with my best friend of almost 30 years, I saw the film, "Julie and Julia" and I saw something in myself in both of the women. They were women that had a lot in life but no direction, no sense of themselves in those lives. So Julia started cooking (SOOOOOO not gonna happen) but Julie started a blog and I thought "I could do that!" So I did. I started a blog. Just like that. On a whim. And basically, my husband and brother read it.

Then I got brave and told some old friends. And a few read. But one very special friend from one of my many former lives (Unknown Mami) told me a funny thing. She blogged, too. For some of the same reasons. And for reasons of her own (the beauty of blogging). And she taught me how to find other blogs and helped other bloggers find me. She taught me etiquette. But mostly, she taught me that the blogging world was safe and for that I am forever grateful to that beautiful unknown mamasita in the MOST beautiful city in the world. She knows this already but I truly left my heart there.

So I started to see people's names show up after my posts. And these names had things to say. To tell me that my hair wouldn't be orange forever, that I am NOT the worst mom in the world, that the pain of loss would pass, and that somehow I mattered in this world, in THEIR world. Wow! If you knew what a softy I was, you'd know that I am crying now. Literally right now -- salty keyboard, yuck! Oh and I am listening to Barry Manilow which doesn't help. Mandy gets me every time.

So that's it. Over time, I have made beautiful friendships, I have gotten to know myself a little more. I have gotten braver and I am finding myself a little less lost (slightly less ironic use of finding). I ramble. I am goofy (well established!) I am an imperfect mom, an out-of-work actress, an aspiring screenwriter (and actress, still, despite all logic or sense of reality), a lover of books with no time to read, and most days, pretty nice. So that's my intro. If you're not frightened off, great! Stay and have some fun. If you're on the fence -- read here (it's all the scary things you should know up front). And if you now feel like you have wasted precious minutes of your life (especially if you clicked any of the links), well I can't exactly blame you. I am not every one's cup of tea. But as I approach 39, I have finally become MY cup of tea.

Oh, and if you are not bored with me yet, I review kid's movies over at I'd Let My Kid See That and my husband and I are trying to live a little greener over at Cold Comfort Living.

Day 226 or Sundays in My City

2010-04-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

Okay everyone, sing along... "Let's go fly a kite. Up to the highest height. Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring!"

Go have some fun over at Unknown Mami's place. She hosts this meme every week and it's a great way to see the world for free! Happy Sunday everyone!

Day 224 or It's Friday, It's Fragmented, and It's a Party

2010-04-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

Hi guys. Settle in. This is a long one.

Mrs. 4444 hosts Friday Fragments over at her beautiful blog, Half Past Kissin' Time. It's a great opportunity to put voice to all those little things running around in your head that may not make a full post on their own.

First, my son and I had a date last night. We went to see "How to Train Your Dragon". It was a wonderful time just Mommy and Sonny-Bunny. (It was also a great film. You can check out my take over at my other site. Yes, I know shameless self-promotion.) At the end of the evening, during cuddle time, he grabbed my neck and whispered, "I just love you so much". Oh!!! Kill me now. So sweet!

Secondly, yesterday would have been my father-in-law's birthday. This weekend we are going to have a celebration of his life. This was my mother-in-law's wish and I so admire it. We had a very small graveside ceremony and no funeral. Instead, she wanted some time to pass and then use his birthday as a way to remember the whole of his life not the last few minutes when he passed. I can't even conceive of a day wherein I have to think of these things so I applaud her strength and the fortitude of her love.

We have all been watching the mine tragedy playing out in West Virginia. Along with my heartbreak for the families, I have really thought about coal-mining. We so often take so much for granted. I flick a switch and light comes on. Do I think about a man sweating his way through the dark, doing hard, dirty work? No. I sit here crying for them now but do I make judgments on these people -- culturally, politically, philosophically? Yes (she says ashamedly). These people give me convenience and safety and I have never appreciated that. I have never appreciated their contribution not just to society but to MY life. So I say thank you to them. Thank you for givng my world ease and thank you for doing a dangerous job that I would not do. And thank you for opening my eyes to the world I live in. I will try harder to appreciate everyone in this society. Everyone's contribution. Everyone.

Finally, I have been thinking a lot about this blog. How I started typing at night and screamed in joy when I found a comment waiting for me the next morning. And this did not happen every morning. Now I regularly find multiple fabulous comments waiting for me. Some from places I have only dreamed of -- Greece, India, Alberta, CA -- and from all over this country. Most are fellow moms, but not all. There are even a couple of men out there. I have loved this. It has carried me many a day. But it has changed this blog. And changed me.

I started this blog to get to the heart of me. And having friends has helped carry me, yes. Oh yes. In fact, hell to the yes. I'm not sure that I would still be writing if you guys didn't keep coming. It doesn't just provide support. It makes me accountable. Which trust me is soooo IMPORTANT (Said in a sing-song voice!)

And it has been fun! I am normally shy but online I feel able to express myself and go visit others. I have made so many friends. And I am not using the term friends lightly. I have made FRIENDS. Get in an RV and drive thousands of miles to share a cup of coffee friends.

But sometimes I get so lost in the fun, that I'm not sure I am pushing myself which was the point of this blog. So I am trying to learn the balance of the party that is a blog and challenging myself as a writer and a person. Please bear with me as I struggle with this. Hold my feet to the fire. My countdown is quickly ticking away and I want to make the most of my remaining three months.

All that said, the Today show had an article about parenting blogs and how some people are nasty. WHAT??? I am so thankful that aside from a few offers for fake Viagra, I have had NOTHING but the sweetest, funniest, most supportive comments!!! Thank you. I love every comment (aside from the aforementioned SPAM) that I have received. Every single one has touched me. I don't know how I got so fortunate but my world is better because of you.

That's why I participate in the fun stuff. I love meeting other people out there. Sharing in their journeys. Having them share in mine. That's why I am participating in The Ultimate Blog Party 2010 hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom. Because we should celebrate all we do. I know that some people underestimate the power of blogging -- especially Mommy blogging -- but I know that it is a strong community filled with great people trying to reach beyond the walls of their home. So celebrate! Celebrate yourself. Celebrate bloggers. Celebrate blogging!

So whie I am re-committing to the heart of my blog, I still want to have some serious fun! The point of the party is to share your blog and share yourself. Later I will post sharing a little about me, my purpose for the blog, and where I want to go. But I am pretty sure that I have OVERWHELMED you guys with this post. So have a great Friday.

Thanks again to Mrs. 4444 for hosting Friday Fragments and 5 Minutes for Mom for the party!

Friday Follow

2010-04-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

If you haven't joined in on the fun, you should! I have met some awesome bloggers this way. And don't feel intimidated by the amazing particpation. I just try to meet a few new people each week. It's hosted by three fabulous ladies and their equally awesome blogs -- One 2 Try, Hearts Makes Families, and Midday Escapades.

Go. Enjoy. Have fun. Happy Friday Follow!

Thanks to the ladies and their sponsor -- Buttons and Blogs.

Day 222 or Wordless Wednesday -- Easter

2010-04-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys, I can't resist! I'm not sure that these qualify as smiles but they definitely are cute! Be sure and join the great gals over at 5 Minutes for Mom for the Wordless Wednesday fun! :-)

Day 220 or The Countdown Begins

2010-04-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

Three Months from tonight will be my last post as 38 and Growing. It's hard to believe that I am over 2/3 of the way through this project. A lot has happened. I have met such BEAUTIFUL people. I still have a lot I want to do. So the clock is ticking. The calendar pages are turning. Like the Byrds sang, to everything there is a season -- turn, turn, turn.

So thank you for going along with me. I learn from you. I lean on you. Like a friend on a drive, you make singing to the radio a thousand times more fun.

All my life, I've known that I was weird. Growing up, well, weird is not cool. It's not endearing or interesting, it's... you know, weird. Now I won't lie to you, weirdness does not become suddenly cool in your 30's. (Interesting, maybe. Endearing, to those who already love you) But something can happen and did happen. Not in my 20s. Not in most of my 30s. But this year. This 39th year of life.

Drum Roll, please...

I stopped caring! I'm not cool. Or collected, for that matter. I am no Grace Kelly floating through the room in Dior couture. (Don't tell my mom this. She has somehow decided that I look like the Princess. It's just proof that there is no end to a mother's love. But for those of living on Earth...) I am no Michelle Pfeiffer looking for a "Cool Rider" with my Pink Lady jacket and a forbidden cigarette strutting across the school lawn. (Yes, I know ONJ as Sandy was in the better film and a WAY better singer but I wanted to be Stephanie in the second film). I am no Man eater -- Glenn Close, for example -- meeting men, having them fall in love with me and never getting clingy or worse yet, goofy. Goofy, I invented goofy. Walt Disney might hold the trademark but I mastered it!

So not cool. So weird. So goofy. That is me. And I have decided that I kind of like it. Surprising, huh? So thanks for coming by to visit the not cool, weird, goofy girl.

So my cool, collected, graceful friends, please keep coming to see me as I put this project to bed. On July 6th, I won't be 38 anymore, but I hope that I'll still be growing. If you've got any ideas for the name of the next incarnation, let me now. You have exactly 91 days to share. :-)

And the winner is...

2010-04-05T07:58:00.001-07:00

scg00387 -- Yay! You are the winner of the Little Tikes Turtle Sand box! I shall send you an email and you have 48 hours to please respond.

Thanks to everyone who participated and made my first giveaway a success.

Happy Monday, all!

Day 219 or Sundays in My City

2010-04-04T12:59:00.001-07:00

A sea of blue -- Texas style.

Maybe not the prettiest flower on its own but soooo pretty amongst friends.

Thanks, Unknown Mami, for hosting! Go check her out!

Happy Birthday to my brother, D and Happy Easter!

P.S. Giveaway winner announced tomorrow!

Day 217 or Good Friday

2010-04-02T13:05:00.001-07:00

I wish everyone a healthy, happy holiday weekend. To my friends celebrating Passover, I say Shalom. And to my Christian friends, I say Happy Easter. And to my many other friends celebrating Spring, I wish you joy and peace. Happiness to all and God Bless.

I will see you on the other side!
:-)

Day 216 or April's Fool

2010-04-01T07:10:00.000-07:00

Okay. I am still recovering from my blogging injury but I couldn't let the first day of April pass without acknowledgment. I love, Love, LOVE Spring. It is my favorite time of the year. Here in Austin, we are having a glorious spell of weather. While I wish I could enjoy it pain-free, I am committed to enjoying it.

So if it's lovely where you are, go revel in it for me. :-)

Also, today is the last day of my giveaway. Now in retrospect, April Fool's Day was probably NOT the best day to complete a giveaway. But it is no joke -- I have a great giveaway. In fact, I would say FABULOUS giveaway. It is a Little Tikes Turtle Sandbox. I wish I could enter myself. But alas, I can't enter my OWN giveaway, but you can. You have through tonight if you haven't entered. Please click here to check it out.

So since I am still nursing my shoulder, I thought I would share a little April Fool's History. I found this at Wilstar.com. I thought it was interesting.

Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April Fool's Day,
sometimes called All Fool's Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn't a
"first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it
sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from
celebrations involving the first day of spring.

The closest point in
time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in
France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days,
beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of
the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New
Year's Day was moved to January 1.

http://wilstar.com/holidays/aprilfool.htm

Day 215 or Ouch!

2010-03-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

So I am not posting tonight because I just threw out my shoulder. Bad. You know my blogging shoulder and like any great athlete, I have to know when to step out of the game and see the trainer. So please forgive me if I don't visit for a day or two. Ice might be good for a shoulder but it is terrible for laptops!

By the by, tomorrow is April 1st, the Pagan New Year and while I am not pagan, I am so open to a new New year. After two horrible illnesses, the loss of a beloved family member, four cavities in my daughter's mouth, and now this, I am ALL about a reboot. Now if you are thinking I already re-booted at Chinese New Year, you are right. But just like my aging Dell, I need another reboot. So happy new New Year, y'all. See you in 2010, version 2.2!

Day 214 or You Can't Un-See That

2010-03-30T16:13:00.000-07:00

I have had my eyes opened (or burned, depending on your perspective)! Two things have changed the way I see things PERMANENTLY and will forever change the way I do things.

First off, I watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I don't know if any of you saw the show but basically, Oliver is trying to repeat in the United States what he did for British schools by exposing what our children eat in schools (and in their homes). I highly recommend the show but don't expect to eat for several hours thereafter. One of the things he showed was how they make frozen chicken nuggets. Oh My Goodness! I had no idea but it was horrid! I can't un-see that!

I am not a cook and I have picky eaters. Not the greatest combination for healthy eating. So I admit it. We have eaten many a frozen nugget. While I knew processed food wasn't great, I was so naive. I will never make them for my kids again. Hell to the NO! Never. I don't know if you are enjoying a snack with your blogging so I will spare you the details but it was absolutely disgusting!!!

Secondly, many of you may be like me and have credit card debt. (Yes. I know. It's impossible to believe that someone so together as I may have debt. But oops! There's the pin. The bubble has burst!) Anyways, in my surprisingly debt-filled world, my husband and I have gotten serious about getting out from under this beast So I have been paying attention to our bills. And those you who receive monthly love letters from those handsome fellows over at Chase and Bank of America may have noticed the same thing. There is this new box that tells you how long it will take you to get out of debt if you just pay the minimum payment each month and compares it to how much you need to pay each month to be debt-free in three years. Again, Oh My Goodness. I can't un-see that.

Now don't get me wrong. I always tried to pay more than the minimum but this showed how a difference of $65.00 a month could save me 28 years (yes -- 28!) and over $13,000. It makes me look at going to the movies differently. It makes me reconsider buying a new DVD each week. Sometimes it is easy to think that you are never going to be out of debt and then it is easier to redirect your funds into more immediate gratifications. But three years is not that long. And the difference each month is doable. I can do this!!!!

So, like I said, I have seen it and I can't pretend that I didn't. But in truth, I don't want to. Because these are things that make my life better. And in the end that's why I started this crazy journey.

Day 213 or Monday, Monday

2010-03-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

Monday Monday, ...

WHAT IS IT ABOUT MONDAYS??? I just can't get a groove on Mondays. I always oversleep. I think I am actually klutzier on Mondays. And I know that I am not nearly so witty and certainly not so wise. So I will leave the wisdom to The Mamas and the Papas. Wait. That does not sound right. I'm not sure that I should be taking any wisdom from these guys. But see that shows where my brain is this Monday. A world where the Phillips family holds wisdom. I can't think of any Tuesday songs (there was a band, 'Til Tuesday, but a song?) but hopefully Tuesday holds more than Monday.

So as I said... 'til Tuesday.

Day 211 or Anthony's (and My) Song

2010-03-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

Do you ever dream of being rich? I know I have. But recently, I have really begun to focus on what it is that I want in life. And from life.

And life certainly requires money. Anyone who has gone without can tell you that. I have gone without health insurance. And while I have blessedly never been hungry, I have certainly curtailed my food purchases based on the money in the bank. (Thank goodness for Ramen noodles! When I was in grad school, I could get 12 for less than a dollar with coupon. Without Ramen, I may have gone without lunches. I learned how to pack a lunch for less than $1.50) I have lived in famously bad neighborhoods. I have put $2.00 gas in my car with change. In other words, I know that money makes life easier.

And easier can be really nice. So I, like most, have dreamed of the lottery. But today I reflected on what I would want with major money. I was listening to Billy Joel's "(Anthony's Song) Moving Out" and I really started thinking about what I need and what I want. I realized that I wouldn't live dramatically differently than I do now. And that was a real revelation.

Yes, I would love, Love, LOVE to not have to worry that I could pay every bill. And it would be nice to never fear a trip to the mechanic. But there were only a few things that I would really change. And when I looked at them honestly, I realized that with effort and focus, they were doable with or without a MegaMillions ticket.

I want to be out of credit card debt. I want to live by the ocean -- in the SF Bay area would be a bonus, but there is a lot of coastline in this great country. I want to travel. I want to have time to watch my children grow up. I want to work in my field and feel that I am purposeful and fulfilled. Yep. That's about it.

I didn't dream of enormous mansions, or owning the "it" bag. And while I love clothes and shoes, I rather enjoy seeking a bargain out like a missile. To me, that's part of the fun! Basically, I realized that not only did I have everything I need, I have most of what I want.

Even as I type this, I have to take that in! I have most of what I want. WOW! I cannot let that pass without saying a mighty thank you. So I don't have to start from scratch. I can build on what I have. But how to do that? This afternoon as I sang along to my favorite piano man, I had a vision of my life and I want to capture that vision so that I can look at it everyday. I have heard of vision boards but I have never done one. I think, however, that I may try. Try to take what I saw in my mind and give it some kind of physicality. Weight.

Have you ever created a vision board? If not, how do you crystallize your dreams? Do you have a vision for you and your family? Will you know when you get there?

And just in case, its not in your head yet, here's what good old Billy had to say on the subject...

Anthony works in the grocery store
Savin' his pennies for someday
Mama Leone left a note on the door,
She said,
"Sonny, move out to the country"
Oh, but workin' too hard can give you
A heart attack-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak
You oughta know by now
Who needs a house out in Hackensack?
Is that all you get for your money?

CHORUS
And it seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama if that's movin' up then I'm movin' out.

Sergeant O'Leary is walkin' the beat
At night he becomes a bartender
He works at Mister Cacciatore's down
On Sullivan Street
'Cross from the medical center
And-and he's tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac
You oughta know by now
And if he can't drive
With a broken back
At least he can polish the fenders

CHORUS

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind
You oughta know by now
You can pay Uncle Sam with overtime
Is that all you get for your money?

Day 210 or Friday Follow -- Gimme, Gimme, Gimme

2010-03-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Friday and I am participating in Friday Follow again and this week, there is a Cash giveaway. Wow. Plus, I am still pimping (yeah, I said it!) my first giveaway which is open to my US and Canadian readers. Please check it out here. So lots of fun to be had! Have a great weekend.

The fabulous ladies over at Hearts Make Families, One 2 Try, and Midday Escapades host this every week and I have met some wonderful bloggers this way, so go check them out and link up!

Check out our Friday Follow Sponsor & Giveaway!

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Toothsoap.com ” I LOVE TOOTH SOAP®” CASH Giveaway!

THREE one hundred dollar cash prizes up for grabs from Toothsoap.com as a thank you for your Friday Follow participation!

Contest Requirement: To be entered into the contest for three 100 dollar cash prizes please do the following:

Please place the Toothsoap.com button on your blog post today for Friday Follow and also on your blog sidebar.
During the week of March 26 – April 2, 2010 THREE winners will be chosen AT RANDOM to win a 100 dollar cash prize from TOOTHSOAP.COM
Winners are selected by random.org using the Friday Follow Link System
Winners selected MUST have the Toothsoap.com button on displayed prominently on both their Friday Follow post and blog sidebar to be eligible to win said prize.
Winners will be notified by email and by blog comment by team@toothsoap.com.
Winners have 24 hours from notification date to claim 100 dollar cash prize via email.
Cash prize is payable by Paypal.com or check from Vitality Products to winners (winners choice).
Contest ends Friday, April 2, 2010 at the stroke of midnight.
Open to US & Canada Residents
Here’s how YOU can join the Friday Follow celebration:

–Link up your blog name and URL using the MckLinky below. Only need to add on one blog to be seen on all the blog hops.

–Grab the Friday Follow and Sponsor buttons and include both on your Friday Follow blog post.

–Follow the Friday Follow hostesses listed in the first 3 slots.

–Follow as many other blogs on the linky as you’d like.

–Take a moment to comment on the blogs telling them you’re from Friday Follow.

–Follow back when you get a new follower through Friday Follow.

This list is new each week. The links do not carry over. Please link up each week for new participants to find your blogs. The list is only open to add your blog links on Fridays. It will be visible all week to visit the blogs listed.

As hostesses, we realize the time required to participate in Friday Follow. Due to the overwhelming number of entries each week, we understand everyone, including ourselves, may not be able to follow every blog. To keep it fun, follow what you can at your own pace. We appreciate your understanding and thank you for your continued participation!

Friday Follower of the Week

Congratulations to Boobies, Babies, & A Blog, this week’s Friday Follower of the Week! Each week we will randomly draw from all the links, one Friday Follower for the next week’s Friday Follow, and the chosen blog will be placed in the highly coveted number 4 position on the blog hop. We love your participation and want to give back to you! You could be next!

Day 209 or Sharing the Fun

2010-03-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Okay. I have some news. Over the last seven months, I have participated in (and won -- yay!yay! yay!) giveaways. As this is such a personal blog, I wondered if I should host one. Well, the great people over at CSN contacted little old me and asked if I would like to give my readers something special. They allowed me to look at several of their sites which carry absolutely everything from lighting to baking dishes to terrific stuff for the kiddos. And as so many of my bloggy friends have been generous with me, I couldn't resist the opportunity to share the fun.

So many of my lovely bloggy friends have shared stories of their young ones running around that I chose the Little Tikes Turtle Sandbox. I have personally wanted one of these for my munchkins and I am totally jealous of whomever receives it.

Pretty cool, huh? So here's the lowdown. This giveaway will be open through midnight CST, Thursday April 1st and I will announce the winner on Monday, April 5th. And here's all you have to do...

Required Entry: Go to CSN stores and let me know what catches your eye.

Extra Entries:

1. Become a follower via Google Connect -- 1 entry

2. Follow me via Facebook -- 1 entry

3. Follow me on Twitter -- 1 entry

4. Follow my other blogs

I'd Let My Kid See That -- 1 entry

Cold Comfort Living -- 1 entry

5. Mention me at your place and link back -- 2 entries

So if my math holds (which is always questionable!), that is eight possibilities to win this dynamite item. Thanks to all my readers. You make my day. I remember when I had five followers and they were all related to me. The fact that you choose to take a part of your busy day to spend with me makes me feel like I have won that Oscar! (Or pretty darn close, anyways!). This giveaway is my way of thanking you.

Now here is the business. I received nothing other than the opportunity to give one of my F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S readers something cool. It is limited to my U.S. and Canadian friends (sorry!) I hope that covers it. Email me at 38traci@excite.com if you have any questions. And again, you guys rock my world!

Day 208 or My Husband is So...

2010-03-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Lee over at Headaches, Hormones, & Hot Flashes and Deb at Menopausal New Mom have joined together in Wonder Twin Power style to create a new meme called My Husband is So... and their entries made me laugh enough to be willing to try. But first a disclaimer. My husband has been a diligent reader of my blog since Day One (in fact, for the first few months, he was often the only reader!) so honey, please remember that I love you! Okay, that base covered...

My husband is so ridiculous with illness. Mine or His. Are all men like this? (And yes to my male readers, let me know what you think! All three of you...)

It has been well documented (at least in this blog) that last week was hell to the -acious in this house. We were racked by illness. It started with me. And I was sicker than I have been in years. And strike me down with lightning (please don't!) if the man didn't get angry. He's stomping around like the three year old. So here I am semi-conscious trying to deal with Mr. Grumps who can't seem to do anything without me. I can't tell you how many times I had to tell my children to go ask their Dad and have them return three minutes later.

But then it got worse. Before I was fully well, he had the audacity to get sick. And then we further regressed from the three year old to an infant. The man ran a slight temperature and you would have thought that Scarlet Fever had descended on the western front. He moaned and whined. Basically, he was a Big, Fat Baby! (Come on, hun! You know that it's true!)

But here's what I don't understand. This man has been to war. He has dealt with RPGs and IEDs and yet, he can't deal with the same virus with which he thought I could maintain all my household duties! He doesn't understand that I might be taken down by something but he should be able to sleep ALL day. ALL DAY.

So, does your spouse (husband) show great bravery/aplomb in one area of their life and then demonstrates a complete lack of anything in other arenas? Or am I the baby? (I'm not the baby!)

Thanks again to Lee and Deb! Head over to their place if you want to join in!

Happy Wednesday! (Especially to my beautiful, wonderful, warrior husband who allows himself to be fodder for my blog. I love you, baby. Even when you act like one!)

Day 207 or Sliding Doors

2010-03-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

I often engage in the self-indulgent and often self-destructive game of "What if?" What if (insert life-changing event here) had (or had not) happened? It often runs along the lines of my acting or lack of acting career. Seeing a classmate on a best dressed list for the Oscars was the latest (unhealthy) stimulus. So around and around I spin. A merry-go-round of unresolved dreams and "why not me, God?"s. Trust me friends, not a ride you want to hop on -- rather nauseating actually.

But the thing is, I don't play this game fairly. I envision an alternate life where I get everything that I want without giving up anything in this life that I love. But that's not how it works. Over this last seven months I have really started to examine this. Over the years, I have heard the phrase, "life is about the journey, not the destination". But what does that mean? Really?

For me, I think that it is this. Every single step we take is a constant course correction. We often focus on the big decisions and think that is why we end up where we do or do not want to be. But I think that the reality is that our lives are created by millions, if not billions, of decisions. Some large but most small. Choosing each word we say. Choosing what television show we watch. Choosing to make a right coming out of the parking lot rather than a left. Everyday decisions that shape who we are and where we are going.

This can be good or bad news. It means that no life is set on an irrevocable path. But it also means that life cannot be lived as I was living it -- half asleep at the wheel. Life must be conscious. Awake. Aware.

As I settle in for the night, "Julie & Julia" is playing on the television. Where would I be had I not seen the film? If I had not started this little blog? I know one thing, for sure. I would not have met some of the loveliest people of my life. Thank you my friends.

So now, much like the young lover staring at two doors wondering if his fate was a lady or a tiger, I look ahead and wonder which way? And how? Any clues? I always hated that story because the author never told us what happened after he opened the door. But maybe, that's the point. Because it's about the journey, NOT the destination.

Day 206 or Dream Land

2010-03-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

Now, we have already established that the days of my life is just a slice of Perfection Pie, so you might think that is true of the nights, as well. You might think that. You'd be wrong. Oh, so wrong.

When it comes to sleep, the night has never been my friend. As a child, I was held hostage to constant, horrendous nightmares. I dreaded going to bed. As soon as my mother would click off my light, I was paralyzed by fear until sleep finally took over. This was made much worse if I was unable to fall asleep before my parents went to bed. I felt a proximal safety while they were awake but that was completely lost when I would see that hall light go dark. I would then lie there miserable and afraid, sometimes for hours. All I wanted was to sleep in the safety of my parent's bed.

This problem has followed me well into adult life. No! I don't want to sleep with my parents. But I have had sleep problems all my life. As a teen, I learned a few tricks. I was allowed a TV in my room. I could then fall asleep to the warmth of a technicolor screen. And as a college student living on my own, my insomnia became a tool rather than a hindrance. When I no longer had parents who cared if I banged around the house all night, I learned to use the time. I was comfortable with 4-5 hours of sleep (and 2-3 hours was not unusual). In that time, my house was immaculate, and I was never behind in my schoolwork. (Oh! What I would do now to be able to live a 19-20 hour day. Alas!) I still needed the television on almost constantly but no longer confined to a bed in a dark, quiet room, my mind was not allowed to run amok. And if I woke from a nightmare, there was the TV waiting to say I was not alone.

So as a parent, I was very concerned about my children feeling safe at bedtime. I was going to be available to them as they needed -- going to sleep, in the middle of the night, whenever. They were never going to suffer as I did, darn it! Well, any of you who watch Dr. Phil know, you create what you fear. And I created terrible sleepers.

I inadvertently taught them that they NEEDED me to sleep. To feel safe in their beds. Which has not only affected their sleep -- it has destroyed mine. No longer an energetic 20-something who could survive with mere moments of shut-eye, I crave sleep. No, I need, Need, NEED sleep. And this is pretty difficult to get when one arm has lost all circulation holding a six year old and ribs are in danger of cracking as a toddler walks her way up and down my side ALL night long. (And of course, all of this happened on one half of a bed -- you know Dad got his full half of the bed!) I have not slept longer than 90 minutes in a row in YEARS. I mean it, years. No hyperbole.

So with last week's move, we got the kiddos a really cool new bunk bed set and insisted that the days (well, nights) of Mom's bed being an Open House were over. But we live in an apartment so the old Supernanny/Ferber/Whatever? method that involved white knuckling hours of my children screaming in misery was out of the question. So I have resorted to rewards (bribes) and staying in the bedroom until they fall asleep (for now). And we are making progress. In fact, my three year old is sleeping better than ever. She has trouble going down but once she's asleep, she is out! And stays out. My six year old is having a harder time but he's doing it with a little middle of the night coaxing.

So you would think that I was doing the happy dance, right? Well, sort of (still not comfortable with that phrase -- sort of. Oh well. Back to topic.) I realize that in some ways, I have replaced my sleep issues with my kids'. Now that they are out of the bed, I need to learn to sleep again. UGH! Will I ever conquer the night? And how do I make sure my kids still know that I am always there for them, even after dark, without going back to having a family bed?

What about you? Do you have issues with the Sandman? Do you let your kids in your bed? If so, when and how did they become independent? Sleepless minds want to know.

Day 205 or Sundays in My City (Apartment)

2010-03-21T11:07:00.001-07:00

My good friend, Unknown Mami hosts a wonderful meme over at her place called Sundays in My City. Well, as we have all been sick, we didn't see much city this week, but I could see this from my bedroom window. It reminded me that it was Spring. And that was a nice reminder so I thought I would share...

Have a great week and if you'd like to join in the fun, go link up!

Day 203 or Dancing Queen Pt. 2 & Friday Follow

2010-03-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I am going to spare you all the very ugly details of the last few days but basically Spring Break was a nasty detour into Sickville for all of us. It was Montezuma's Revenge without the sun, surf, and/or Pina Coladas. In other words, a complete wash out. I don't, however, want to become a bummer of a blog full of whining (occasionally snarky, yes. whiny, no!) so I am going to plow ahead into happier times. But please forgive me if I have become like that cousin who only calls on holidays and birthdays rather than a friend who drops by regularly for coffee. I'll be working my way back around the neighborhood again.

So as I mentioned yesterday, despite my bloggy blahs, you ladies keep being kind to me. So here is another round of thanks. Heather over at Acting Balanced Mom had a giveaway of Rainbow Brite CDs and one is on the way to me. Thanks, Heather! What a fun fashback for me and something to share with my daughter!

Messy Mommy was kind enough to pass on the Sunshine Award and I am going to follow her lead. The rule is to pass it on to 12 blogs and she chose to give it to her most recent 12 followers. I thought that was a nice twist so I am going to do the same.

1. Quirkyloon (http://www.quirkyloon.com/)
2. Not Worth Mentioning (http://jesseacohen.blogspot.com/)
3. Kitty Tells It All (http://kittymoore.blogspot.com/)
4. Frugal Mom Knows Best (http://www.frugalmomknowsbest.com/)
5. Notes from a Thirty-Something Mom (http://midwesmomma.net/)
6.Turning the Clock Back (http://turning-the-clock-back.blogspot.com/)
7. Kentucky Heart Strings (http://kentuckyheartstrings.blogspot.com/)
8. The Non-Review (http://www.thenonreview.com/)
9. 3 Pugs and a Baby (http://www.threepugsandababy.com/)
10. The Husailey Bunch (http://thehusaileybunch.com/)
11. Just a Night Owl (http://justanightowl.com/)
12. The Groschen Goblins (http://www.groschengoblins.com/)

This is my little way of saying thanks for being awesome followers! You make me smile! And speaking of followers, there is a fun meme called Friday Follow hosted by One 2 Try, Hearts Make Families, and Midday Escapades. This is how I have met a lot of great new bloggers, so if you want to join the fun, link up!

Kindly sponsored by:

And Tami at Hearts Make Families and Betty at Cut and Dry, I haven't forgotten you. I am swimming in generosity and love and will be paying forward your kindnesses very soon!
:-)

Day 202 or Dancing Queen, Pt. 1

2010-03-18T14:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you have me dancing again. Over the last couple of weeks, I have gotten FOUR awards and won another giveaway. So in honor of my 202nd day as a blogger, I want to thank these ladies and start to pass along some awards.

First off, I want to belatedly thank Hil'Lesha and Messy Mommy who both gave me awards on the same day. What a great day that was! Sorry it's taken me so long!!!

Hil'Lesha over at Welcome to the Motherhood gave me the One Lovely Blog which awards newly discovered blogs.

The rule is to pass it on to fifteen blogs that I have recently found. They are:

1. Shelley's Swag (http://shelleysswag.blogspot.com/)
2. The Stroller Ballet (http://www.thestrollerballet.com/)
3. A Lot of Loves (http://www.alotofloves.com/)
4. Alygater's Everywhere (http://alygatr.blogspot.com/)
5. B Sparkly (http://bsparkly.blogspot.com/)
6. The Peterson Family (http://www.petersonstlouis.com/)
7. I am Harriet (http://harrietandfriends.com/)
8. One Loopy Life (http://ryleegrace.blogspot.com/)
9. Aging Mommy (http://agingmommyblog.blogspot.com/)
10. Generation X Mom (http://www.thegenerationxmomblog.com/)
11. Loving My Children's Gift (http://gifts2love.blogspot.com/)
12. Mom et al (http://mom-et-al.com/)
13. Feeding a Family of Five (http://feedingfiveforfifty.blogspot.com/)
14. Big Teeth and Clouds (http://bigteethclouds.blogspot.com/)
15. The Fourth Frog Blog (http://4thfrog.blogspot.com/)

Lots more love to give out but I am having to ration my time between blogging (yay!) and vomiting family (boo!). My apologies to those for whom I just walked into TMI territory. Just life in my crazy world of perfection pie!

Day 200 or Thanks

2010-03-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

Well, we're still under the weather and under boxes but shafts of light are peeking through. I could not, however, allow my 200th day pass without acknowledging it. Thank you to all the lovely people who have followed and for growing with me. I have four awards (yes -- four!) to pass along which I shall start with tomorrow. Thanks again, my friends. You make me feel special!

Day 199 or Uh, Why did I think I needed to name these?

2010-03-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

So it's Monday. The big part of the move is finished and it actually looks like we live here but now we're down to the boxes -- you know the hard stuff. My daughter is running a fever, my son looks like he has been hit in both eyes, and I sound like a candidate for a lung x-ray. I know, my life is a perfection pie and you want a slice. It must be tough to come over here being so jealous and all. Okay. Even I'm laughing now because if I don't... well you know the rest.

And somedays (not Sundays) that is the whole reason I go to my computer -- to type out everything I'm thinking. At the beginning, I didn't expect that anyone would read. Then I wrote and wondered if anyone understood. But now I write because I KNOW that there will be someone out there nodding, or laughing or shaking her head but in some way or another sharing my experience.

So here I am at 199 nights since I started this project and although we are the McSick family from McSickyville, TX and I am surrounded by boxes, I am still here even if I don't have much to say. Because in some odd way, that's part of the experience. Just showing up. Just like in life. So tomorrow, maybe I'll have more to say or at least a more clever title but for tonight, I say bonne nuit, gute Nacht, おやすみなさい, buona notte, спокойная ночь, goede nacht, 晚上好, καληνύχτα, boa noite, 잘 자, or good night.

Day 198 or Some Days or Sundays

2010-03-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

Somedays I rush to get from here to there. Sundays I get to be there or here.

Somedays I think of where I'd like to go. Sundays I go where I'd like to be.

Somedays my heart is full of questions. Sundays my questions are full of heart.

But sometimes my Somedays can be Sundays. That's why I love Sundays. And sometimes, Somedays. So if I could make all my Somedays Sundays then Sundays would no longer be some day but every day.

So is today a Sunday or a Someday for you?

Day 196 or Has Spring Sprung or Is That My Last Nerve?

2010-03-12T11:49:00.000-08:00

I have not been my "best self" this week. I have not "made good choices". I have been tired and crabby. And my head hurts. But...

The sun is shining. Beautifully. And it is that perfect Spring temperature -- high sixties with a nice breeze. But...

My brain feels like it is partially frozen and incapable of processing anything more than monosyllabic utterances. When I told my son that I was losing my mind, he replied, "then it will be gone forever?" To which I laughed for half a second, the amount of time it took for my brain to hurt. But...

I finally have m laptop back which means I shall be a much better follower and friend. I am so far behind on my Google reader that it actually has started giving me the Silent Treatment. (Okay, it's always silent but that's the best metaphor I could create with a half frozen, forever lost mind). And for the first time in too long, my husband and I will be sharing our own abode in the same city with our family. But...

That means we're moving this weekend. With my head cold. Half frozen brain. Forever lost mind. So...

You can see that my glass is exactly half full/empty. And I am trying really hard to see full, Full, FULL. Be cause I know that it is not empty. But... right now it is just half.

Like my brain.

Day 194 or International Women's Day -- Belated

2010-03-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

So on Monday, I was lost in the world of this little woman and somehow missed that it was a day for Women of This World. I missed a day dedicated to celebrating the contribution of women especially in war-ravaged countries like Rwanda and Congo. A day that thousands of women met on the Brooklyn Bridge and UK's Millennium Bridge. A day that said as women we have the power to shape hearts and minds for peace. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I missed it. So red-faced, I come to you two days later to tell you what I would have said.

I would have said that I have seen the power of caring women demonstrated through the generations of women that raised me. My mother is braver than she knows. She taught me right from wrong and as a Southerner taught me that God truly did create all people and to judge someone solely one their actions not their heritage. Her mother taught her that hard work mattered and she should never give up. Her grandmother taught her that life was for living and never backed away from a challenge (even one that involved a mugger but that story is for another day). These women shaped me and my world.

I would have said that I have seen the power of caring women demonstrated through this blog. How amazed I have been by the voices of women around this globe that I would never have "heard" had I not started blogging. Voices raising up their families, their cultures, their lives in a chorus that celebrates life itself. Voices that denounce ignorance, racism, and hatred, Voices that have meaning. Voices that have power. (Many of which who got the memo about Monday and spoke beautifully that day!)

I would have said that I hope to light my candle in the goal of enlightenment and peace. That I hope I am a contributor not a detractor. That I stand on the shoulders of the women who came before and I hope that my shoulders are strong enough for those who follow.

That's what I would have said. Instead I just bragged about getting my Oscar picks right. Not my finest moment. Nonetheless, today I say "yay" for women. Every woman. Everywhere.

Day 193 or Recipe for Disaster

2010-03-09T06:22:00.000-08:00

Looking for a a special recipe to reek havoc on your family life, stain your carpet, and create at least two new wrinkles. Well,then you have come to the right place.

1 cup of children off their schedule after a weekend at grandmas
2 cups of Daddy out for the evening
1 TBSP of Mommy with a head cold
Sprinkle in spaghetti for flavor

Stir together until Mommy is screaming, son is crying from another room, and toddler daughter is looking bemused. Carpet should begin to develop an orange-red color that seems to spread and darken in direct correlation to your efforts to remove it. Bake until Mommy's hair looks like she had married Frankenstein, son is now wailing, and daughter is still bemused.

Let cool for 15 minutes.

For best results, then resume nighttime activities. Put on PJs, read stories, and give cuddles. Continue until son turns your face to his and says, "I love you, Mommy. We forgot to say that."

Day 192 or Oscar Update

2010-03-08T06:15:00.000-08:00

Hey! How about that? Seven out of seven! Pretty good for PJ handicapping. If there are any other predictions you need made without my having much if any related knowledge, let me know. Too bad I didn't play Vegas. LOL
:-)

Day 191 or And the Oscar Goes to...

2010-03-07T06:28:00.000-08:00

There was a time that I ate, drank, and breathed the Oscars. I saw every film before the big night and had my own system for predicting the winners (BTW, I was usually right -- one year with 100% accuracy!). This was during my former life as an aspiring actress -- I am still aspiring but to what has become the question of my life and this blog.

In fact, I have a treasured memory of receiving my acceptance call to grad school after just having watched Annette Bening speak with Barbara Walters on the ACT stage. Oscars were still on Mondays at this time and this was the classic Barbara Walters Oscar special. Here was one of my heroines, an alum from what would be MY school, talking about starting out at theater school. It seemed like an omen in my life. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I thought that I would be the next Annette Bening.

So fast forward 14 years. Barbara Walters will no longer host the Oscar Special. And I haven't seen most of this year's offerings. I would dress up for Oscar night and dream of walking the red carpet talking with the droves of press about my upcoming project. Now I dream of staying awake through the ceremony without too many crushed Goldfish in my hair. I'll be honest, this wasn't my image of my life that fateful evening in 1996.

Nonetheless, this is my life. And I still love movies. And maybe a red carpet still awaits me. We'll see. Right now, I have an entourage of three -- that's a start, right? They hang on my words (sometimes) and they think I'm beautiful (most of the time) and according to my children I am often crazy and that seems to be a Hollywood staple!

I have seen "Up", "The Blind Side", and "Julie & Julia". I have not seen the emotionally intense "The Hurt Locker', the 3-D phenomenon "Avatar", the emotionally wrenching "Precious" or the smart "Up in the Air". This also goes for "The Education", "Inglorious Basterds" and "Crazy Heart".

So from my couch in my PJs, ignoring the new questionable red stain on the floor (Spaghetti? How did it get there?), I will make my predictions for the big ones. How can I do that? Didn't I just admit I hadn't seen most of the films. But let's be honest, if I'm wrong, is it really going to hurt my career?

Best Picture: "The Hurt Locker"

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow (Yay! for the first woman!)

Best Actress: Sandra Bullock -- I loved, Loved, LOVED Meryl Streep in "Julie & Julia". She was a piece of genius. But everyone knows that she is a great actress. Sandra had her "Erin Brockavich" moment with "The Blind Side" where we saw that she could do more than make us laugh, she could be a living, breathing tough woman and I personally was moved by her. Also, she's cool and lives in Austin. (And maybe one day, she'll read this blog and think I'm wonderful and want to meet me. Well, I can dream, right. Hey Sandy, if you're reading this I need a mentor!)

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges

Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique (Because Oprah said so!)

Best Supporting Actor: Christolph Waltz (Because everybody said so!)

Best Animated Film: "Up" (This is the one category that I can actually speak to from experience!)

So there it is... Who do you think will win? Who do you think should win?

Day 189 or Friday Fragments

2010-03-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

This is my first week to participate in Friday Fragments. It is a wonderful opportunity to share those tidbits that aren't enough for a full post.

This week, my children provided me with lots of fodder. As they say, "kids say the darnedest things!"

My daughter is obsessed with what she calls my son's "peanut". We were working on learning body parts and when I tried to correct her, she insisted that it was a peanut. Not only that but she has begun standing in front of the toilet and states emphatically that she has a peanut and therefore can take care of her business standing like her brother. Boy, is that ammunition for later days!

Also, while we are in the bathroom, she nearly made me wet my pants. She has a very bad habit of stepping onto the ledge of the tub rather than over and I am always stressing that she can fall and get hurt doing that. It is so funny to hear your own words come back through the perspective of a three year old. As she steps out of the bath, she says "Careful! Careful! I can't step there or else I fall and my brain fall out!" (In case it needs to be said, I have never told her that her brain will fall out. )

Driving home from school, my son shared a little of his wisdom. Sitting in his booster chair, he says, "Mommy!" What baby? "Do you know teenagers are learning to be adults?" Whaaaaaat? (Pretty profound, huh? He doesn't even know any teenagers!) "Yeah, and when they learn how to be adults, they grow up. Then they get married." (I chose not to inform him how few people actually grow up before getting married, I figured he had enough years to learn that!)

Finally, a question for myself. "Casual dressy". Is that casual clothes made dressy or dressy clothes made casual? One of my best buddies had a party the other night and that was the directive. I am lost by this. I went with a fun skirt and a sweater but most of the women had on jeans with heels and great tops. What do you wear when it's casual dressy?

Mrs. 4444 hosts this over at Half Past Kissin Time (http://www.halfpastkissintime.com/) . Check it out -- a super lovely blog with one of the best titles I have ever heard.
Thanks, Mrs. 4444.

Day 187 or Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday -- My son's "Olympic" Moment

Can you hear the anthem?

Not quite gold -- isn't there a brass category? Either way, he couldn't be prouder! Nor could I for that matter!

Thanks again to 5 Minutes for Mom (5minutesformom.com)!

Day 186 or Don't Look Back

2010-03-02T17:44:00.000-08:00

Throughout religions, the concept of facing forward into an uncertain future without looking back has been stressed. As Lot brought his wife out of Gomorrah, she looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. Orpheus had doubts that his beautiful Eurydice was actually behind him as he traversed his way up out of the Underworld. He snuck a peek back and she was whisked back by Hades. In other words, Don't Look Back! (By the way, this is pretty good advice if you find yourself in a horror film.)

I am terribly at looking back. Rather than embracing the unknown and considering all the might possibility that the future can hold, I get lost re-running past events over and over. Even if I am running from my metaphorical city of ruins, I will look back just one more time. So yeah, I would absolutely be a pillar of salt.

Imagine if Orpheus could have had faith as he broke out of the dark confines of the Underworld into the sun and fresh air of the living world. He could have lived the rest of days with the love of his life. How many dreams do I inadvertently squash because I can't let go of my past and insecurities and break into the light?

So here I come great unknown. I say goodbye to the burning ruins of my past, the Underworld of my fears. I am going to have a little faith. I made it this far, right? What will a few more steps cost me? They may gain me a lot. They may gain me my life.

So in my favorite '70s radio dedication style: a few words of wisdom from Boston.

Don't look back
A new day is breakin'
It's been too long since I felt this way
I don't mind where I get taken
The road is callin'
Today is the day

I can see
It took so long just to realize
I'm much too strong
Not to compromise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I'll turn it around, oh yes I will

I finally see the dawn arrivin'
I see beyond the road I'm drivin'

It's a bright horizon and I'm awakin' now
Oh I see myself in a brand new way
The sun is shinin'
The clouds are breakin'
'Cause I can't lose now, there's no game to play

I can tell
There's no more time left to criticize
I've seen what I could not recognize
Everthing in my life was leading me on
But I can be strong, oh yes i can

I finally see the dawn arrivin'
I see beyond the road I'm drivin'
Far away and left behind, left behind

Oh the sun is shinin' *and I wanna go*

Don't look back
A new day is breakin'
It's been too long since I felt this way
I don't mind where I get taken
The road is callin'
Today is the day

I can see
It took so long just to realize
I'm much too strong
Not to compromise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I'll turn it around, oh yes I will

I finally see the dawn arriving
I see beyond the road I'm driving
Far away and left behind

Don't look back
Don't look back
Don't look back
Don't look back...

Day 185 or I Comment Therefore I Am

2010-03-01T07:56:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Unknown Mami hosts a Monday event called "I Comment Therefore I Am". It's a fun opportunity to share your comments on other blogs. In case you don't know, Miss UM is a fantabulous commenter! Usually I don't find my comments blog worthy but this week I thought that I would play along. (If you would like to see how this really should be done, check out the lady herself.)

On Unknown's site, she shared a story of overhearing a young woman who had a close-minded view of love across racial lines. As a beautiful Latina woman married to a HUNKY African-American (I can attest to this -- I've met him!), she was hurt and bewildered by her comment. This led to further discussion including the obnoxiously loose-lipped John Mayer. Here was my reaction to that...

I'm sorry for that young girl -- I will hope that time will open her eyes to the beauty of all but in the mean could someone please shut John Mayer up!!! Seriously. I am ashamed that I ever thought my body was a wonderland!

On Blog-Ignoramus (http://blogignoramus.blogspot.com/), lovely Mama-Face posted a beautiful piece about looking at her parents' relationship and her own through new eyes. She looked at how her father saw her mother over the years as opposed to his blushing bride and wondered how her husband saw her today. This is what I had to say...

What a beautiful post. The subtleties of tone and subtext in language perceived through the view of time. It is true how we hear and see our parents through different lenses as we grow.

I think that your husband truly sees you as more beautiful than in your "skinny" wedding dress. Why? Because true love sees beauty in its truth. It is not the blush of a new bride or a size of a dress, it is the person that life and time has molded into a partner, a parent, a lifetime friend and lover. That's what he sees and you know the beauty in that? That never ages and never changes size. It can't be captured in a photo so it can't fade.

Finally, the fabulous Menopausal New Mom (http://menonewmom.blogspot.com) tackled the big issue of following. I am always struggling to keep up with all the terrific blogs I enjoy and I often stress when I don't visit any particular blog as often I would like. Here's my reflection on this dilemma...

I have never officially unfollowed but I have so many blogs in my reader that if I don't want a divorce and a home visit from CPS for neglect (we won't mention the wiggly insomniac three year old in my arms as we speak). I can't visit everyone every day like I used too.

So that's a little of what I had to say this week. If you want to join in and turn your comments into a blog post, check out Unknown Mami (http://www.unknownmami.com) and play along with "I Comment Therefore I Am".